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C.S. Mathos, Ex-Atheist, USA
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Description: This is the Journey of a 14 year old boy who embraced Islam through IslamReligion.com.
By C.S. Mathos
Published on 16 Jul 2007 - Last modified on 16 Oct 2011
Viewed: 19646 (daily average: 9) - Rating: 4.5 out of 5 - Rated by: 35
Printed: 426 - Emailed: 1 - Commented on: 5
Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Men
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I am C.S. Mathos. I was born into a secular family on
August 1st, 1992, in Pennsylvania. My mom was once a Christian, and as a kid
she went to a Quaker church. She went to a church camp, and was literally
scared away from her religion due to some priest that preached Armageddon all
the time. She remained secular for the rest of her life, really. She was more
of an agnostic, not atheistic like I was. To explain, I was surprisingly
logical as a child, and reasoned that it was impossible that a god existed. Really,
I didn’t care about religion back then. I had an obsession with dinosaurs, and
wanted to learn more and more about them. I remember things like a T-rex
weighed 7 tons, a Triceratops herd would protect their young by forming a
circle, and fight off the predators, and a Veloceraptor was able to run about
75 mph.
I was obviously ridiculed when my love for paleontology
did not subside. It did go away (somewhat) when I became interested in dragons
and such. The insults didn’t affect me very much because I was always in an “emotional
shell”, keeping things I wanted to really say in my head. When I did speak, I was
most often honest, soft spoken, and didn’t have much to say, because I didn’t
trust people, and I liked my imagination better than the real world. Even when
9/11’s attacks came, I didn’t talk much, and didn’t react to it. It didn’t scare
me at all; I thought the word “Muslim” was the term for an ethnic group, and I
was only concerned about the Iraq war when innocent people were raped in that
Abu Ghraib prison scandal. Even then, I just got over it and became annoyed
when it was repeatedly appearing on the news. When I did come out of my shell
(5th grade), I fought with people about religion and politics. I believed
there were hypocrisies in Christianity, which was the only religion I
remembered at that time.
When I became 13 years old, I really received insults,
and took them seriously. I was depressed, my grades were only acceptable, and
at that time I wasn’t interested in anything. I decided I needed a religion. I
didn’t really search for one, just believed there was one God, and, because of
my bitterness, I blamed my problems on Him. I started paying attention more
and more to politics, forgot about religion for the most part, and I started
reading books on Hitler and WWII. I was really interested in WWII, Nazism,
and, increasingly, communism. I was told all my life communism was a failed
ideology, but I wanted to learn the other side of the argument: the side of the
communists. I picked up the Communist Manifesto, read Wiki articles, looked up
Communist Party materials, and I joined the Marxist movement. I saw myself
actually fighting for something; a society that is truly free and just, equal
and united.
I busied myself with the movement, and joined a group. I’m
not naming it. I told people I was a communist only when they asked. Boy, you
thought someone can be made fun of before I became a communist. Don’t want to
talk about it. It’s too depressing. I actually broke down crying at the
dinner table because of so much torment by my classmates. I just needed a
religion. I tried out Christianity, however I flat out left it. Too many
contradictions, sectarianism, and hypocrisy.
I looked around, and around, I looked at everything,
from Christianity to Greek Mythology. I decided to look at Islam last, since I
took into account the prejudices of war and the possibility that I may actually
be killed by someone due to following such a religion. I gave up on everything
else, and I said to myself: “The last thing you have to go to is Islam. Just
get a Quran and read it. Hell, it may be what you’re looking for.” I got the
Quran off of a website, and got it in the mail 5 days after it was ordered. It
was dark green; so dark green, I thought it was black. It has a beautiful
leather binding, gold imprints on it. I started reading it, and I just saw
that it was nothing as it was portrayed on TV. I saw that there was only one
God, and there was no one else to worship but He. I saw this, and I wanted to
join the religion.
I searched on the Internet on how to pray, and found the
site www.islamreligion.com, and I saw “How to Convert to Islam and become a
Muslim” on the menu. I decided that writing down how to pray was for later,
conversion was needed for me. I needed to submit to God. NOW. I found the
Shahada, and I wrote it down. Then, I took the Shahada, and became a Muslim. As
soon as I did, I felt the pain in my heart lift, and I felt truly happy. God
has been good to me, and I try to pray 5 times every day to him. However, due
to the circumstances of war prejudices, other people’s intolerance, and other
people’s sectarianism, I have to practice my religion in secret. I pray to God
in the morning, noon, sundown, evening, and at 11:00 or 12:00 at night. When I
can drive, I’ll drive to the nearest mosque every Friday. My own mother doesn’t
even know I’m a Muslim. I’ll tell her when I’m truly ready, or when I’m an
adult and live elsewhere, or I’m in college. I pray that God keeps me away
from disbelief, and help me become the best Muslim I can be while practicing in
secret. If my mom is reading this, try to understand my religion before you
pass judgment. Let me practice my religion in peace, without your ridicules
and jokes, which are hurtful. I’ve been practicing Islam for a week, I think.
I lose track of time.
Non-Muslims that are reading this, I suggest you read
the Quran and become a Muslim. Peace be upon you, and God’s blessings.
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