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Kristin, Ex-Catholic, USA (part 1 of 2)
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Description: A former Christian discusses the things she found illogical with Christianity and her interest in Judaism.
By Kristin
Published on 16 Jan 2006 - Last modified on 20 Aug 2006
Viewed: 7744 (daily average: 6) - Rating: 3.7 out of 5 - Rated by: 6
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Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Women
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My search for a religion began in high school
when I was 15 or 16 yrs old. I had been associating with a bad group of people
whom I thought were my friends, but in time I realized these people were
losers. I saw what direction their lives were heading in, and it wasn’t a good
one. I didn’t want these people to have any affect on my success for the future,
so I cut myself off from them completely. It was hard in the beginning because
I was alone without friends. I started to look for something to associate
myself with and something that I could rely on and base my life on....something
that no person could ever use to destroy my future with. Naturally, I turned
to seeking God. Finding out who God was and what the truth was wasn’t easy,
however. What was the truth anyway?! This was my primary question as I began
my search for a religion.
In my own family, there have been many shifts of
religion. My family has Jews and a few kinds of Christianity in it, and now,
Alhumdulilah (all praise is for God) Islam.
When my Mom and Dad were married, they felt the
need to decide what faith to bring there children up in. Since the Catholic Church
was really the only option for them (our town just has 600 people) they both
converted to Catholicism and raised my sister and I as Catholics. Going back
through the stories of conversions in my own family, it seems that they are all
conversions of convenience. I don’t think they were truly seeking God, but
just manipulating religion as the means to achieving an end. Even after all
these changes in the past, religion was never of extreme importance for my Mom,
Dad, sister or I. If anything, ours was the family you saw at church during
Christmas time and Easter. I always felt that religion was something separate
from my life, 6 days a week or life and one day a week for church, on the rare
occasions when I did go. In other words, I wasn’t conscious of God or how to
live according to His teachings on a day to day basis.
I didn’t accept some Catholic practices
including:
1) Confessions to a priest: I thought
why couldn’t I just confess to God without having to go through a man to get to
Him?
2) The “Perfect” Pope- How can a mere
man, not even a prophet, be perfect?!
3) The worship of saints- wasn’t this a
direct violation of the first commandment? Even after 14 years of forced
Sunday school attendance, the answers I received to these questions and others
were, “You just have to have faith!!” Should I have faith because someone TOLD
me to?! I thought faith should be based on the truth and answers that appealed
to logic, I was interested to find some.
I didn’t want the truth of my parents, or
friends, or anyone else. I wanted God’s truth. I wanted every idea I held to
be true to me because I believed it entirely, heart and soul. I decided if I
was to find the answers to my questions, I would have to search with an
objective mind, and I began to read...
I decided that Christianity was not the religion
for me. I didn’t have anything personal with Christians, but I found that the
religion itself contained many inconsistencies, especially when I read the
Bible. In the Bible, the inconsistencies I came across and the things that
made no sense at all were so numerous that I actually felt embarrassed that I
had never questioned them before or even noticed them!
Since some people in my family are Jewish, I started
to research Judaism. I thought to myself the answer may be there. So for
about a year I did research on anything concerning Judaism, I mean in DEPTH
research!! Everyday I tried to read and learn something (I still know about
Orthodox Jewish kosher laws!). I went to the library and checked out every
book on Judaism within a two month period, looked up info. On the internet,
went to the synagogue, talked with other Jewish people in nearby towns and read
the Torah and Talmud. I even had one of my Jewish friends come visit me from Israel! I thought maybe I had found what I was looking for. Yet, the day I was supposed
to go the synagogue and meet with the rabbi about possibly making my conversion
official, I backed out. I honestly don’t know what stopped me from leaving the
house that day, but I just stopped as I was about to go out the door and went
back in and sat down. I felt like I was in one of those dreams where you try
to run but everything is in slow motion. I knew the rabbi was there and
waiting for me, but I didn’t even call to say I was coming. The rabbi didn’t
call me either. Something was missing...
After learning that Judaism was also not the
answer, I thought (also after much pressure from my parents) to give
Christianity one more try. I had, as I said, a good background in the
technicalities from my years of Sunday schools, but I was more concerned with
finding the truth behind the technicalities. What was the beauty of it all,
where was the security of it and how I could accept it logically? I knew if I
were to seriously consider Christianity, Catholicism was out. I went to every
other Christian church in my town, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Latter Day Saints
(Mormon), and non-denominational churches. I didn’t find what I was looking
for - answers!! It wasn’t the environment of the people which turned me away; it
was the discrepancies between denominations which disturbed me. I believed
there had to be one right way, so how could I possibly chose the “right”
denomination? In my estimation it was impossible and unfair for a
Compassionate and Merciful God to leave mankind with such a choice. I was
lost...
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