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Description: From a broken family and society, a woman finds support from some Muslim friends.
By Angel
Published on 16 Jan 2006 - Last modified on 17 Oct 2009
Viewed: 8963 (daily average: 6) - Rating: 4.7 out of 5 - Rated by: 68
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Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Women
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Every Muslim has a story about their journey to
Islam. Each one is interesting and curious to me. God truly guides who he
wants and only who he wants. I feel so blessed to have been one of the chosen.
Here is my story.
I always believed in one God. My entire life
during hardship, I asked God for help even as a child. I remember crying on my
knees in the kitchen, screaming and crying all around me. I was praying for
God to make it stop. Religion on the other hand never did make sense. The
older I got, the less it really made sense to me. People thinking they were
the negotiator between you and God.
I felt the same about Jesus, [may the mercy and
blessings of God be upon him]. How does it work that this man would save us
all from our sins? Why do we have the right to sin just because of him? I
refused the bible in all of its versions, believing something translated and
rewritten so many times could not to be the real words of God. Around the age
of fifteen I had given up on the idea of finding God.
Growing up, my family was the average American
family. Everyone I knew had similar problems growing up. My dad was a
hardworking blue collar alcoholic. As time progressed his condition worsened,
and so did his perversion. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, and fear made an
imprint on my childhood that would reflect the rest of my life. He passed away
when I was in the sixth grade. My parents had divorced by then. I was the
youngest of eight children. My mother would go to work to support us, and I
was home alone a lot.
Here I was, one of those kids who pull from
society, who scare people when they walk into a room. I began wearing black
clothing and the dark makeup. I listened to the gothic music and fantasized
about death. Death seemed to be less of fear and more of solution to this
growing problem. I felt alone all time, even around friends. I tried to fill
the gap with cigarettes, then alcohol, sex, drugs and then anything that would
take me from my own thoughts. I tried to kill myself at least fifteen times. No
matter what I tried this pain inside of me never seemed to subside.
I was in college when I became pregnant with my
son, I feared for my son’s health and could not dream of giving him away. I
worked endlessly to provide for my son. Squeezing all the pain and anger into
my heart, I changed my life some. By this time, I trusted no one. Three years
later, I started to date again. I got engaged. I truly wanted to have the
something more. As with all of my past experiences, my world came crashing
down. I was 25 and pregnant with my daughter and ended the relationship with
my fiancé after he repeatedly cheated and physically hurt me. I had no idea
what was next.
During this time I was working for a Pakistani
guy who was Muslim. I never watched the news or even cared really what was
going on. Being Muslim to me was no different than any other religion. As
time moved on I became friends with several Muslim men. I began to notice
something dramatically different. They had these unquestionable morals. A
devotion to God in a way that required them to pray five times a day. Let
alone the fact that they did not drink or do drugs. For my generation this was
old school morals, maybe your grandparents might have followed.
When my daughter was born, you can’t imagine my
surprise when one of these guys came in and brought gifts. I was shocked
stupid he held her and spoke to her. I had never seen men behave this way over
a baby. The kindness only increased with time over the next four months. I
can’t express the love that was shown to us. Slowly my interest in their
religion grew. I was curious as to what kind of religion could instill these
kinds of values into people.
I was sharing a home with seven people when one
night I decided to borrow my roommate’s computer. I was too afraid to offend
my friends by asking them questions, so I turned to the internet. The first
site I opened was http://www.islam-brief-guide.org. I was dumb founded. It
was if a black cloth had been lifted from my body, and I swear to you that I
had never felt so close to God. Within twenty-four hours, I took my Shahadah.
To this day the majority of my time is spent on
research. For the first time in my life something had stopped the anger, and
the pain. I truly felt the love and fear of God. God had replaced the pain
inside of me with his light, and faith in him. Since my conversion, God has
truly blessed me. God gave me the strength to quite smoking, drinking and have
not used drugs in almost two years. I am married to a wonderful Muslim man. He
has taken my children and made them ours. I have something that I always
wanted - a family, [all praise is due to God].
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