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“And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates
from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your hearts.” (Quran 30:21)
._001.jpg) Love and mercy between
your hearts is a beautiful way to describe a tranquil relationship between a
man and a woman. Marriage is a sacred contract, one made not between a man and
woman but between a couple and God. It is a relationship where rights and
responsibilities are clear and the purpose is to please God by striving to
secure a place in Paradise. Just as mothers are able to exert great influence
over their sons, wives too are able to influence their husbands. Great women,
woman who love God above all else are a mercy and their husbands are often
great men due to the unwavering support they receive from their wives.
Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be
upon him, said, “The best among you are those who are the best to their wives.” Why would
he have made this clear on numerous occasions? Possibly because a partnership
built on love and mercy cannot help but be successful, whereas a relationship
built on dominance and mistrust rarely succeeds except in heartache and sorrow.
Another reason might be due to the fact that in pre-Islamic Arabia females were
so undervalued that baby girls were buried alive and women were owned like
livestock.
One of the greatest role models for women, particularly
wives, was born in this time of ignorance, yet she was able to rise above the
discrimination around her and have one of history’s most successful marriages. She
was Khadijah, the first, and for 25 years, the only wife of Prophet Muhammad.
What do we know about Khadijah that made her such a fantastic wife and
incredible role model? Why do we consider Khadijah, the daughter of
Khuwaylid, to be a great women standing by the side of a great man?
"Mary, the daughter
of 'Imran, was the best among the women (of the world of her time) and Khadija is
the best amongst the women (of this nation)."
Khadijah was 40 years old and twice widowed when she
married Muhammed, then aged 25, who had not at that stage been granted
prophethood. She was an accomplished businesswoman, wealthy in her own right
with a reputation of dealing with the disabled, orphans, widows and the poor
with kindness and compassion. Just as Prophet Muhammad was known as Al-Amin –
the trustworthy one, Khadijah was known as At-Tahira, the pure one. Khadijah
was impressed by Muhammad’s honesty when she employed him to trade for her in
Syria and on his return to Makkah she defied the conventions of her time and
proposed marriage to him. Muhammad accepted eagerly and promptly.
Islam teaches that a woman should always display tenderness
and care towards her husband. Khadijah loved and supported Prophet Muhammad
through the difficult years of the establishment of Islam. In the spirit of
partnership and companionship inherent in a truly Islamic marriage, great men
and women find no difficulty helping each other. Prophet Muhammad was known to
perform many household chores such as cleaning and mending garments. It was
narrated regarding him, “He used to keep himself busy in household chores
and went out when the time for prayer came.”
Khadijah, for her part kept a home that was a refuge
from the trouble and problems Muhammad faced every day. She also gave freely
of her time and knowledge. She supported her husband with advice, and opinions
and generally helped in practical ways. Prophet Muhamad said: “This world is
just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous
woman.”
(Wife, mother, daughter)
When Prophet Muhammad first received revelation from the
angel Gabriel, it was a very frightening experience. Although it was his habit
to spend time alone in a cave meditating and pondering the wonders of the
universe he did not expect to be visited by an angel demanding that he, an unlettered
man, read. He ran home to his loving supportive wife as soon as he was able, saying
“Cover me, cover me!” Prophet Muhammad told her what had happened and expressed
his fear. Khadijah did not belittle him or disbelieve him rather she responded
to his request to “cover me” and reassured him with kind loving words.
“God would never forsake you. You uphold the ties of
kinship, speak the truth, spend money on the needy, give money to the
penniless, honour your guests and help those beset by difficulties”
Consequently Khadijah was the first person to accept the
message of Islam and she stood by her husband as family and friends turned
against him, and plotted to kill him. As the fledgling band of Muslims grew, Khadijah
supported the rise of Islam with her wealth and health. She provided food,
water and medicines for the banished and boycotted community. Even though she
was not accustomed to deprivation, Khadijah never complained about the poor
conditions she was forced to endure nor did she begrudge that all her money
went to support her husband in his mission.
Khadijah was the perfect role model for wives in any
situation or century. A marriage in the eyes of God makes two people one. They
love and protect one another and never lose sight of the big picture. Khadijah
understood that her real and everlasting life with Muhammad would be in
Paradise where they would not need money nor want for comfort and shelter.
One day the angel Gabriel came to Prophet Muhammad and
said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Khadijah is coming to you with vessels
containing food and drink. When she comes to you, convey to her the greeting of
peace from God the Cherisher and Sustainer and from me, and give her the glad
tidings of a house of pearls in Paradise, in which there is no noise or hard
work.”
Khadijah
died shortly after the banishment ended, almost surely as a result of the poor conditions
she endured. However, the love and mercy between the Messenger of God and Khadijah
had continued to grow through their trials and tribulations and not even death
could break the ties that bound them. Aisha
asked Prophet Muhammad if
she had reached what Khadijah had reached in terms of the Prophet’s love. He
replied, "She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when
people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else
to lend me a helping hand." Aisha’s words also reveal the
depth of love that is possible between a man and a woman whose marriage is
based on seeking the pleasure of God.
Never did I feel jealous
of any woman as I was jealous of Khadijah. She had died three years before he
married me. I often heard him praise her, and his Lord, the Exalted and
Glorious, had commanded him to give her the glad tidings of a palace of jewels
in Paradise: and whenever he slaughtered a sheep he presented (its meat) to her
female companions.
It is said that marriage is
half of one’s religion and this becomes understandable and obvious when we are
able to observe a marriage such as that of Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah. This
great woman stood beside a great man when he felt lost, alone and worried.
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