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Actually, both spouses, in general, fail to some extent
in their fulfilling of the other’s obligations. Hence, before criticizing the
other or being harsh with the other due to some shortcoming, the person should
look to himself and realize what wrong he himself is doing.
At the same time, though, Islamic Law has clearly laid
down some rights and responsibilities so that both parties in the marriage know
exactly what is expected of them and know what they need to fulfill to be a
proper spouse. Thus, for example, God says:
“…And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar
to those over them according to what is reasonable…” (Quran 2:228)
In sum, the rights of the wife or the obligations of the
husband include, among others, the following:
(1) Receiving her proper dower: God says:
“And give the women their dower with a good heart; but if
they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and
enjoy it without fear of any harm.” (Quran 4:4)
(2) Being fully and completely financially
maintained by her husband: God says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God
has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Furthermore, in a hadeeth recorded by al-Bukhari and
Muslim, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, told Hind
bint Utbah, when she complained that her husband (Abu Sufyan) was very stingy
and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his wealth
without his knowledge:
“Take what is sufficient for you and your child,
according to what is customary.”
(3) Being treated in a proper and kind manner: God
states:
“…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you
dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might yet
make a source of abundant good” (Quran 4:19)
(4) Having the right to sexual intercourse: In the
Sahih of Ibn Hibban there is the following narration:
The wife of Uthman ibn Madh’oon complained to the Messenger
of God that her husband had no need for women. During the day, he would fast
and at night, he would pray. The Prophet asked him, “Am I not the best example
for you to follow?” He answered, “Certainly, may my father and mother be
sacrificed for you.” The Messenger of God then told him, “As for you, you pray
during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right
upon you. And your body has a right upon you. So pray and sleep and fast and
break your fast.”
(5) Having the right to “privacy”: Note the
following hadeeth of the Prophet:
“Is there any man among you who goes to his wife,
closes the door behind then, covers themselves, and conceals themselves by God’s
concealing.” They said, “Yes.” He then said, “Then he sits after that [with
others] and he says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned
to the women and said, “Do you any of you talk about such things?” They were
also silent. Then a young girl came up on his toes so the Prophet could see her
and hear her and she said, “O Messenger of God, they [the men] certainly talk
about it and they [the women] also talk about it.” He said, “Do you know what
they are like? They are like a female devil who met a devil in the street and
they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.”
(6) The right to being taught or learning her
religion.
On the other hand, the rights of the husband or the
responsibilities of the women include:
(1) Being the head of the household: God has said:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God
has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Although this is usually stated as a right of the
husband, it is actually a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, as it means
that he has the responsibility to guide his family and keep them along the
straight path.
(2) Having the right to be obeyed: This goes with
the first right. A person cannot be the head of something if he has no
authority.
(3) Having his wife answer his call to meet his
sexual needs.
(4) That the wife will not allow anyone in his
house except by his permission: In a hadeeth recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim,
the Messenger of God said:
“Do not allow anyone into his house except by permission.”
If the husband and wife enter into the marriage with the
right intention of pleasing God and pleasing each other, recognizing their
roles and responsibilities in the marriage and treating each other with proper
Islamic behavior, God willing, their union will be a blessed union that will
stretch from this life into the Hereafter.
Having said what was just said about marriage, Islam,
though, is also a practical religion. It takes into consideration all possible
common scenarios. It is possible for a man and woman to enter into a union
with good intentions yet their personalities and likes simply do not coincide
with one another. There are times in which a good marriage simply cannot be
achieved and the spouses enter into a state of misery. Under such
circumstances, Islamic law allows for an end to the marriage and their
suffering. The goal is
to either stay together in a friendly manner or to separate in a goodly manner.
Thus, for example, God says:
“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the
term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or
set them free on reasonable basis…” (Quran 2:231)
God also says:
“Then when they are about to fulfill their term appointed
[bringing an end to the divorce], either take them back in a good manner or
part with them in a good manner…” (Quran 65:2)
Obviously, divorce is not a desired goal or a light
matter. In a perfect world, all married couples would be in bliss. However,
there are times in which this option is the best for all parties concerned. Thus,
the option of divorce is in accord with the overall goal of preserving the
family—it is not simply quantity, though, such that all marriages always stay
in tact, that is desired but quality.
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