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Marriage is a very important institution in Islam. The
Quran shows that there is a clear bond between men and women. In numerous
places in the Quran, God reminds humans that they are from the same original
human being. It is through this bond that they are interconnected and through
these bonds that some of their rights upon one another are established. God
states at the opening of Chapter 4, entitled “The Women”:
“O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a
single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created
many men and women and fear God through whom you demand your mutual (rights),
and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)! Surely, God is Ever an
All-Watcher over you.” (Quran 4:1)
However, beyond the beginning that the two sexes have in
common, God points out that the love and affection that He has created in the
hearts of the spouses towards another is one of His great signs that act as
portents for those people of understanding. In other words, such people can
look at this aspect of creation and be reminded of the greatness of God’s work
and power, the perfection of His creation and the magnificent mercy God has
placed in this world. God says:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives
from among yourselves, that you may find repose and comfort in them, and He has
put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed Signs for a
people who reflect.” (Quran 39:21)
God also says:
“He it is who created you from a single person (Adam), and
then He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the
pleasure of living with her…” (Quran 7:189)
Thus, according to the Quran, the relationship between a
man and his wife should be one of love, mercy and mutual understanding. God
also commands men to treat their wives kindly in the verse:
“…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you
dislike them, it may well be that your dislike something which God might yet
make a source of abundant good.” (Quran 4:19)
A few words about the purpose of marriage in Islam
should be given. This is needed because many times people enter into marriage
or desire to get married without realizing the roles and purpose of marriage
itself. In turn, they do not realize the kinds of responsibilities that will
be on their shoulders when they do get married. However, if the purposes of
marriage are known and the responsibilities that marriage will entail are
understood at the outset, once again, the probability that the marriage will be
a successful marriage will be enhanced. The person will know what is expected
of him, both with respect to his responsibilities and duties and his rights.
Obviously, the purpose of marriage is not simply “fun”
or the release of “animal urges”. There is much more to marriage than that. Some
of the goals behind marriage include:
procreating, experiencing permissible physical pleasure, attainment of one’s
complete maturity, mutually assisting one another in making one’s life in this
world, attaining numerous psychological and physiological benefits, forming the
cornerstone of a moral society, bringing up the next generation in a setting that is most conducive for
moral and spiritual growth and binding peoples and families together.
In order for a marriage to work best, each partner
should understand fully well his or her rights, responsibilities, roles and
obligations. For this reason, Islamic Law has laid down very clear rights and
responsibilities for a Muslim husband and wife. At the same time, though, every
married person must realize that one’s spouse is first and foremost another
Muslim. He/she is one’s brother/sister in Islam. Therefore, all the rights
that fall upon a Muslim due to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to
one’s spouse. There are books on the behavior of a Muslim, brotherhood and love
and loyalty among Muslims, and all of those principles apply to a married
person as his spouse is part of that Islamic brotherhood and community. Furthermore,
the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, also stressed this
point when he stated:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his
brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
However, one’s spouse has even more rights upon a person
due to the great and important contract that has been contracted between them.
Therefore, when discussing the rights of the husbands
and wives, this matter should not be looked at in a cold or legal fashion. The
relationship between the husband and wife must be much more than a matter of
rights stated by the law that each must abide by. Instead, it should be a
relationship of love, support and mutual understanding. Each spouse should
take into consideration the needs and abilities of the other spouse. They
should attempt to make each other happy, even if they have to compromise
sometimes, and not simply be out to make sure that they are getting all of
their rights in the marriage. Actually, it is usually the case that neither
spouse is completely fulfilling the rights of the other and making the other
happy. Hence, they both have to realize and accept their shortcomings.
The Prophet, in particular, advised the husbands to
treat their wives in the best way¾
perhaps due to their greater authority or due to their greater strength, in
general. The Prophet said:
“The best of you is the one who is best to his
family (wife) and I am the best of you to my family.” (Al-Tirmidhi and ibn
Majah)
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