The Cohesive Nature of the Family (part 1 of 4): Introduction
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Description: An introduction to how Islam ensures the cohesiveness of the institution of the family in Islam, with its first and foremost constituents, the parents.
By Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo (© 2007 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 05 Feb 2007 - Last modified on 04 Oct 2009
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_001.jpg) God says in the Quran—in a passage that the Prophet, may
the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, used to repeat often when he would
begin his speeches:
“O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a
single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created
many men and women and fear God through Whom you demand your mutual (rights),
and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, God is Ever an
All-Watcher over you” (Quran 4:1)
The family is the nucleus of society as a whole. If the
family is on a sound foundation, it is more likely that society as a whole will
be in a good state. Thus, in general, the messengers of God, the prime
examples for humans, adhered to this institution of marriage and family. God
states,
“Verily, We have sent messenger before you and appointed for
them spouses and children…” (Quran 13:38)
The Prophet Muhammad also established marriage as his
way of life, saying:
“By God, I am the most fearful of God of you and I
have the most piety; however, I fast and break my fast, pray [at night] and
sleep and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my sunnah
is not of me.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
Undoubtedly, Islam puts a great emphasis on family
relations and cohesion. Scholars of Islamic Law have noted that when one
studies the laws found in Islam and what seems to be the wisdom behind them,
one finds that they have been laid down to establish, protect, reinforce and
perpetuate specific necessities of life. The necessities of life as envisioned
by Islamic Law are:
(1) religion,
(2) life,
(3) familial ties and relationships,
(4) mental capacity and
(5) wealth and property.
Thus, for example, one need only ponder over the
stringent laws related to the preservation of the sanctity of the family to
understand the great emphasis that Islam places on the family. In the “modern West,”
nowadays, for example, adultery and other acts that strike at the very
foundation of a family are not considered crimes.
In Islam, the situation is very different. Islam exhorts all the members of a
family to treat each other well while avoiding promiscuous acts that are evil
in themselves and harmful to any marriage. God says, for example:
“And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily,
it is a greatly lewd act, and an evil way.” (Quran 17:32)
However, these exhortations are not simply hollow words.
Instead, they are also backed up with the force of law for some of the most
egregious acts that cannot be overlooked. Thus, God commands:
“The woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual intercourse,
flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their
case, in a punishment prescribed by God, if you believe in God and the Last Day.
And let a party of the believers witness their punishment.” (Quran 24:2)
Pity is not allowed to overrule what must be done,
because in the end, that pity—and pity is something which drives someone to do
good to others—will lead to evil results. Furthermore, in a saying of the
Prophet recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim, it is confirmed that the he ordered
stoning to death for the adulterer. In fact, Islam goes well beyond that to
protect the sanctity of the family: those who falsely accuse chaste women of
such evil deeds are also to receive severe punishments. God says:
“And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four
witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever,
they indeed are the disobedient to God.” (Quran 24:4)
In particular, God offers guidance to humankind
concerning behavior with all of the members of the family. For the sake of
brevity, this short article shall prevent an overview of the proper behavior of
a Muslim toward the other members of his family, including parents, children,
spouses and other relatives.
God has demanded that Muslims treat their parents in the
best possible fashion. Muslims must be grateful people. They must be grateful
to God and to all who do them well. After God, there is perhaps no one who
deserves a person’s gratitude more than his parents. Thus, numerous verses of
the Quran touch upon the question of the treatment of parents. Indeed, in more
than one place, God has closely tied good behavior towards parents with the
command to worship Him alone. Note, for example, the following verse of the
Quran:
“Worship God and join none with Him in worship, and do good to
parents, kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the neighbour who is near of kin, the
neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you
meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not
like such as are proud and boastful” (Quran 4:36)
God also says:
“Say (O Muhammad): Come, I will recite what your Lord has
prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful
to your parents…” (Quran 6:151)
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And
that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old
age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but
address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and
humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they
did foster me when I was small.’ Your Lord knows best what is in your
inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Ever Most Forgiving to
those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance.” (Quran
17:23-25)
“And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but God (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents…” (Quran 2:83)
The Prophet also emphasized good treatment of one's
parents, putting it after prayer in its proper time as a deed that is most
beloved to God: The Prophet was asked:
“What deed is the most beloved to God?” He
replied, “Prayer in its proper time.” He was asked, “Then what deed?” He
replied, “Being dutiful to one’s parents…” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
God reminds the believers that their parents, in
particular the mother, went through a great deal of hardship and effort to
raise their child and therefore they are deserving of love, respect and
gratitude in return. God says:
“And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was
advising him, ‘O my son! Join not in worship others with God. Verily! Joining
others in worship with God is a great wrong indeed.’ And We have enjoined on
man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness
and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give
thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.” (Quran 31:13-14)
“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his
parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with
hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till
when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: ‘My Lord! Grant
me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favor which You have
bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds,
such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You
in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will).’”
(Quran 46:15)
Thus, in particular, the mother is deserving of the
greatest friendship and closeness from her children. The Prophet was once
asked:
“Who among the people has the most right for my
good companionship?” The Prophet replied, “Your mother.” The man asked, “And
then whom?” The Prophet replied again, “Your mother.” The man again asked,
“And them whom?” the Prophet once again said, “Your mother.” The man asked
once more, “And then whom?” This time the Prophet said, “Your father.” (Saheeh
Muslim)
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The Cohesive Nature of the Family (part 2 of 4): The Role of Husband and Wife
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Description: The reasons and purpose of marriage, and the emphasis given on treating wives with kindness and ease, and how they help in maintaining harmony in the family.
By Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo (© 2007 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 06 Feb 2007 - Last modified on 04 Oct 2009
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Marriage is a very important institution in Islam. The
Quran shows that there is a clear bond between men and women. In numerous
places in the Quran, God reminds humans that they are from the same original
human being. It is through this bond that they are interconnected and through
these bonds that some of their rights upon one another are established. God
states at the opening of Chapter 4, entitled “The Women”:
“O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a
single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created
many men and women and fear God through whom you demand your mutual (rights),
and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)! Surely, God is Ever an
All-Watcher over you.” (Quran 4:1)
However, beyond the beginning that the two sexes have in
common, God points out that the love and affection that He has created in the
hearts of the spouses towards another is one of His great signs that act as
portents for those people of understanding. In other words, such people can
look at this aspect of creation and be reminded of the greatness of God’s work
and power, the perfection of His creation and the magnificent mercy God has
placed in this world. God says:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives
from among yourselves, that you may find repose and comfort in them, and He has
put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed Signs for a
people who reflect.” (Quran 39:21)
God also says:
“He it is who created you from a single person (Adam), and
then He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the
pleasure of living with her…” (Quran 7:189)
Thus, according to the Quran, the relationship between a
man and his wife should be one of love, mercy and mutual understanding. God
also commands men to treat their wives kindly in the verse:
“…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you
dislike them, it may well be that your dislike something which God might yet
make a source of abundant good.” (Quran 4:19)
A few words about the purpose of marriage in Islam
should be given. This is needed because many times people enter into marriage
or desire to get married without realizing the roles and purpose of marriage
itself. In turn, they do not realize the kinds of responsibilities that will
be on their shoulders when they do get married. However, if the purposes of
marriage are known and the responsibilities that marriage will entail are
understood at the outset, once again, the probability that the marriage will be
a successful marriage will be enhanced. The person will know what is expected
of him, both with respect to his responsibilities and duties and his rights.
Obviously, the purpose of marriage is not simply “fun”
or the release of “animal urges”. There is much more to marriage than that. Some
of the goals behind marriage include:
procreating, experiencing permissible physical pleasure, attainment of one’s
complete maturity, mutually assisting one another in making one’s life in this
world, attaining numerous psychological and physiological benefits, forming the
cornerstone of a moral society, bringing up the next generation in a setting that is most conducive for
moral and spiritual growth and binding peoples and families together.
In order for a marriage to work best, each partner
should understand fully well his or her rights, responsibilities, roles and
obligations. For this reason, Islamic Law has laid down very clear rights and
responsibilities for a Muslim husband and wife. At the same time, though, every
married person must realize that one’s spouse is first and foremost another
Muslim. He/she is one’s brother/sister in Islam. Therefore, all the rights
that fall upon a Muslim due to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to
one’s spouse. There are books on the behavior of a Muslim, brotherhood and love
and loyalty among Muslims, and all of those principles apply to a married
person as his spouse is part of that Islamic brotherhood and community. Furthermore,
the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, also stressed this
point when he stated:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his
brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
However, one’s spouse has even more rights upon a person
due to the great and important contract that has been contracted between them.
Therefore, when discussing the rights of the husbands
and wives, this matter should not be looked at in a cold or legal fashion. The
relationship between the husband and wife must be much more than a matter of
rights stated by the law that each must abide by. Instead, it should be a
relationship of love, support and mutual understanding. Each spouse should
take into consideration the needs and abilities of the other spouse. They
should attempt to make each other happy, even if they have to compromise
sometimes, and not simply be out to make sure that they are getting all of
their rights in the marriage. Actually, it is usually the case that neither
spouse is completely fulfilling the rights of the other and making the other
happy. Hence, they both have to realize and accept their shortcomings.
The Prophet, in particular, advised the husbands to
treat their wives in the best way¾
perhaps due to their greater authority or due to their greater strength, in
general. The Prophet said:
“The best of you is the one who is best to his
family (wife) and I am the best of you to my family.” (Al-Tirmidhi and ibn
Majah)
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The Cohesive Nature of the Family (part 3 of 4): Mutual Rights of the Spouses
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Description: The rights of both the husband and wide, and the complementary roles they play in bringing about a peaceful home.
By Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo (© 2007 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 12 Feb 2007 - Last modified on 04 Oct 2009
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Actually, both spouses, in general, fail to some extent
in their fulfilling of the other’s obligations. Hence, before criticizing the
other or being harsh with the other due to some shortcoming, the person should
look to himself and realize what wrong he himself is doing.
At the same time, though, Islamic Law has clearly laid
down some rights and responsibilities so that both parties in the marriage know
exactly what is expected of them and know what they need to fulfill to be a
proper spouse. Thus, for example, God says:
“…And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar
to those over them according to what is reasonable…” (Quran 2:228)
In sum, the rights of the wife or the obligations of the
husband include, among others, the following:
(1) Receiving her proper dower: God says:
“And give the women their dower with a good heart; but if
they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and
enjoy it without fear of any harm.” (Quran 4:4)
(2) Being fully and completely financially
maintained by her husband: God says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God
has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Furthermore, in a hadeeth recorded by al-Bukhari and
Muslim, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, told Hind
bint Utbah, when she complained that her husband (Abu Sufyan) was very stingy
and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his wealth
without his knowledge:
“Take what is sufficient for you and your child,
according to what is customary.”
(3) Being treated in a proper and kind manner: God
states:
“…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you
dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might yet
make a source of abundant good” (Quran 4:19)
(4) Having the right to sexual intercourse: In the
Sahih of Ibn Hibban there is the following narration:
The wife of Uthman ibn Madh’oon complained to the Messenger
of God that her husband had no need for women. During the day, he would fast
and at night, he would pray. The Prophet asked him, “Am I not the best example
for you to follow?” He answered, “Certainly, may my father and mother be
sacrificed for you.” The Messenger of God then told him, “As for you, you pray
during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right
upon you. And your body has a right upon you. So pray and sleep and fast and
break your fast.”
(5) Having the right to “privacy”: Note the
following hadeeth of the Prophet:
“Is there any man among you who goes to his wife,
closes the door behind then, covers themselves, and conceals themselves by God’s
concealing.” They said, “Yes.” He then said, “Then he sits after that [with
others] and he says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned
to the women and said, “Do you any of you talk about such things?” They were
also silent. Then a young girl came up on his toes so the Prophet could see her
and hear her and she said, “O Messenger of God, they [the men] certainly talk
about it and they [the women] also talk about it.” He said, “Do you know what
they are like? They are like a female devil who met a devil in the street and
they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.”
(6) The right to being taught or learning her
religion.
On the other hand, the rights of the husband or the
responsibilities of the women include:
(1) Being the head of the household: God has said:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God
has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Although this is usually stated as a right of the
husband, it is actually a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, as it means
that he has the responsibility to guide his family and keep them along the
straight path.
(2) Having the right to be obeyed: This goes with
the first right. A person cannot be the head of something if he has no
authority.
(3) Having his wife answer his call to meet his
sexual needs.
(4) That the wife will not allow anyone in his
house except by his permission: In a hadeeth recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim,
the Messenger of God said:
“Do not allow anyone into his house except by permission.”
If the husband and wife enter into the marriage with the
right intention of pleasing God and pleasing each other, recognizing their
roles and responsibilities in the marriage and treating each other with proper
Islamic behavior, God willing, their union will be a blessed union that will
stretch from this life into the Hereafter.
Having said what was just said about marriage, Islam,
though, is also a practical religion. It takes into consideration all possible
common scenarios. It is possible for a man and woman to enter into a union
with good intentions yet their personalities and likes simply do not coincide
with one another. There are times in which a good marriage simply cannot be
achieved and the spouses enter into a state of misery. Under such
circumstances, Islamic law allows for an end to the marriage and their
suffering. The goal is
to either stay together in a friendly manner or to separate in a goodly manner.
Thus, for example, God says:
“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the
term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or
set them free on reasonable basis…” (Quran 2:231)
God also says:
“Then when they are about to fulfill their term appointed
[bringing an end to the divorce], either take them back in a good manner or
part with them in a good manner…” (Quran 65:2)
Obviously, divorce is not a desired goal or a light
matter. In a perfect world, all married couples would be in bliss. However,
there are times in which this option is the best for all parties concerned. Thus,
the option of divorce is in accord with the overall goal of preserving the
family—it is not simply quantity, though, such that all marriages always stay
in tact, that is desired but quality.
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The Cohesive Nature of the Family (part 4 of 4): Children and Relatives
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Description: The rights of children upon their parents, and the emphasis Islam gives in maintaining good relations with other relatives.
By Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo (© 2007 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 12 Feb 2007 - Last modified on 01 Apr 2008
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It is clear from many verses in the Quran that having
children is considered a blessing from God. Hence, God says while recounting
some of his blessings upon humankind:
“God has made for you wives of your own kind, and has made for
you, from your wives, sons and grandsons, and has bestowed on you good
provision. Do they then believe in false deities and deny the Favor of God (by
not worshipping God Alone).” (Quran 16:72)
Thus, one finds the prophet Zachariah praying to God
that He bestow upon him children (Quran 3:38). In addition, having children is
something known to be beloved to parents. Thus, God says:
“Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this
world...” (Quran 18:46)
At the same time, though, every parent must realize that
having children is a great responsibility and trial from God. God has said:
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas God—with
Him is a great reward (Paradise).” (Quran 64:15)
God also says,
“O you who believe, guard yourselves and your families from
the Hell‑fire whose fuel is men and stones…” (Quran 66:6)
The meaning of this verse was reiterated by the Prophet
Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, when he said:
“All of you are shepherds and all of you will be
asked about your wards... The man is responsible for his household and will be
asked about his responsibilities. The wife will be asked about the house of
her husband and her responsibilities.”
Islam, therefore, fills the human with appreciation for
being blessed with a child while at the same time realizing that this child is
a heavy responsibility. The parents must care for the child and bring the
child up in the best possible manner, trying to protect the child from the Hellfire.
Muslim scholars consider that the rights of children
appear long before they are even conceived, via the selection of a pious and
righteous spouse. This is the first step in providing a good household and
environment for the child. Around the time of the child’s birth, there are
other important obligations, such as giving the child a good name and offering
an animal sacrifice on the child’s behalf.
Beyond that, the most important rights of the child include:
(1) being maintained and provided for in a healthy
manner;
(2) being taught the tenets of the religion;
(3) being treated with compassion and mercy;
(4) being just among multiple siblings; and
(5) having a good example set for them by their
parents.
Other Relatives
A family also includes siblings and other kinfolk. Islam
has certainly not ignored any of the relatives of an individual. In numerous
places in the Quran, God emphasizes the importance of treating one’s relatives
in a good and kindly fashion. God says, for example:
“Worship God and join none with Him in worship, and do good to
parents, kinsfolk…” (Quran 4:36)
God also speaks about spending on one’s relatives:
“They ask you (O Muhammad) what they should spend. Say:
Whatever you spend of good must be for parents and kindred…” (Quran 2:215)
God also says:
“It is not piety that you turn your faces towards east and
(or) west (in prayers); but Al-piety is (the quality of) the one who believes
in God, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets and gives his wealth,
in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk…” (Quran 2:177)
The Prophet Muhammad was requested:
“Inform me of a deed that will take me closer to Paradise and distance me from the Hell-fire.” He replied, “Worship God and do not ascribe
any partner to Him, establish the prayer, give the zakat and keep the ties of
kinship.”
Keeping the ties of kinship refers to doing good towards
them with one’s speech, actions and wealth. It includes kind words, visits,
charity and generosity. It also includes keeping any harm from coming to them
and doing one’s best to bring happiness to them.
The Muslim must understand that keeping the ties of
kinship is an obligation and not simply a meritorious act. In the Quran, God
praises those…
“…who join that which God has commanded to be joined (i.e. they
are good to their relatives and do not sever the bond of kinship), fear their
Lord, and dread the terrible reckoning” (Quran 13:21)
The Prophet said:
“The one who cuts off the ties of kinship will not
enter Paradise.”
Islam has emphasized every type of familial tie possible.
It has provided guidance showing the importance of the ties with parents,
children, spouses and other relatives. It exhorts every Muslim to fulfill
these ties to receive God’s pleasure in return. In addition (although not
completely stressed in this short paper), it has provided laws and strict
regulations that allow the individual to realize how best to keep the proper
ties with all of his or her kith and kin.
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