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Craig Robertson, Ex-Catholic, Canada (part 1 of 2): From Bad to Worse
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Description: After being raised in a Catholic household and spending much of his early childhood attending church, Craig rejects faith and takes to life in the fast lane.
By Craig Robertson
Published on 11 Dec 2006 - Last modified on 16 Oct 2011
Viewed: 58389 (daily average: 25) - Rating: 4.4 out of 5 - Rated by: 47
Printed: 1287 - Emailed: 56 - Commented on: 7
Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Men
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_-_From_Bad_to_Worse_001.jpg) My name is Abdullah Al-Kanadi. I was born in Vancouver,
Canada. My family, who were Roman Catholics, raised me as a Roman Catholic
until I was 12 years old. I have been Muslim for approximately six years, and
I would like to share the story of my journey to Islam with you.
I suppose in any story it’s best to start from the
beginning. During my childhood I attended a Catholic religious school and was
taught about the Catholic faith, along with other subjects. Religion was
always my best class; I excelled academically in the teachings of the Church. I
was pressed into service as an ‘altar boy’ by my parents from a very young age,
which pleased my grandparents a great deal; but the more I learned about my religion,
the more I questioned it! I have this memory from my childhood, I asked my
mother on Mass: “Is our religion the right one?” My mother’s answer still
rings in my ears to this day: “Craig, they are all the same, they’re all good!”
Well to me this didn’t seem right. What was the point of me learning my
religion if they were all equally good!?
At the age of twelve, my maternal grandmother was
diagnosed with colon cancer and died a few months later, after a painful battle
with the disease. I never realized how deeply her death affected till later on
in life. At the tender age of twelve, I decided I would be an atheist in order
to punish God (if you can even fathom such a thing!) I was an angry little boy;
I was angry at the world, at myself and worst of all, at God. I stumbled
through my early teenage years trying to do everything I could to impress my
new “friends” in public high school. I quickly realized that I had a lot to
learn, for being sheltered in a religious school you don’t learn what you would
in a public school. I pressed all my friends in private to teach me about all
the things I did not learn, soon enough I gained the habit of swearing and
making fun of people weaker than me. Even though I tried my best to fit in, I
never actually did. I would get bullied; girls would make fun of me and so on.
For a kid my age, this was devastating. I retreated to myself, into what you
would call an ‘emotional shell’.
My teenage years were filled with misery and loneliness.
My poor parents tried to talk to me, but I was belligerent towards them and
very disrespectful. I graduated from high school in the summer of 1996 and
felt that things would have to change for the better, since I believed they
couldn’t get any worse! I was accepted in a local technical school and decided
that I should further my education and maybe make good money, so that I would
be happy. I took a job at a fast-food restaurant by my house to help pay for
school.
A couple of weeks before I was to start school, I was
invited to move out with some friends from work. To me, this seemed like the
answer to my problems! I would forget my family and be with my friends all the
time. One night, I told my parents I was going to move out. They told me, I
couldn’t, and that I wasn’t ready for it and that they wouldn’t allow it! I
was 17 years old and very headstrong; I swore at my parents and said to them
all sorts of evil things, which I still regret to this day. I felt emboldened
by my new freedom, I felt released, and I could follow my desires as I saw fit.
I moved in with my friends and didn’t speak to my parents for a long time after
that.
I was working and going to school when my roommates
introduced me to marijuana. I was in love with it after the first ‘puff’! I
would smoke a bit when I got home from work to relax and unwind. Soon though,
I started to smoke more and more, until during one weekend I had smoked so much,
that it was Monday morning and before I knew it, it was time for school. I
thought, well, I’ll take one day of school off, and go the next day, since they
won’t possibly miss me. I never returned to school after that. I finally
realized how good I had it. All the fast food I could steal and all the drugs
I could smoke, who needed school anyways?
I was living a great life, or so I thought; I became the
‘resident’ bad boy at work and consequently the girls started to pay attention
to me like they hadn’t in high school. I tried harder drugs, but alhamdulillah,
I was saved from the really terrible stuff. The strange thing was, when I wasn’t
high or drunk I was miserable. I felt worthless and completely valueless. I
was stealing from work and from friends to help maintain the ‘chemical haze’. I
became paranoid of the people around me and imagined police officers were chasing
me around every corner. I was beginning to crack and I needed a solution, and
I figured that religion would help me.
I remember seeing a movie about witchcraft and I thought
that would be perfect for me. I bought a couple books on Wicca and Nature Worship,
and found that they encouraged the use of natural drugs so I continued. People
would ask me if I believed in God, and we would have the strangest
conversations while under the ‘influence’, but I distinctly remember saying
that no, in fact I don’t believe in God at all, I believe in many gods as
imperfect as me.
Through all this, there was one friend who stuck by me.
He was a ‘Born Again’ Christian and was always preaching to me, even though I
would mock his faith at every opportunity. He was the only friend I had at the
time who didn’t judge me, so when he invited me along to go to a youth weekend
camp I decided to go along. I had no expectations. I thought I would have a
huge laugh making fun of all the “Bible Thumpers”. During the second evening, they
had a huge service in an auditorium. They played all sorts of music which
praised God. I watched as the young and old, male and female cried out for
forgiveness and shed tears over everything. I was really moved and I said a
silent prayer along the lines of “God, I know I have been a horrible person,
please help me, and forgive me and let me start fresh.” I felt a surge of
emotion come over me, and I felt tears roll down my cheek. I decided at that
moment to embrace Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I raised my
hands in the air and started dancing around (yes, dancing!) All the Christians
around me were staring at me in stunned silence; the guy who mocked them and
told them how stupid they were for believing in God, was dancing and praising
God!
I returned to my party home and eschewed all drugs,
intoxicants, and girls. I promptly told my friends how they needed to be
Christians so they could be saved. I was shocked that they rejected me,
because they always used to pay attention to me before. I ended up moving back
with my parents after a long absence and used to badger them with the reasons
why they should become Christian. They being Catholic felt they were already
Christian, but I felt they were not, for they worshipped Saints. I decided to
move out again but this time on better terms and was given a job by my
grandfather who wanted to help with my “recovery”.
I started to hang out at a Christian “youth house” which
was basically a house where teens could go, to get away from family pressures
and discuss Christianity. I was older than most of the boys, so I became one
of those who talked most and try to make the boys feel welcomed. In spite of
this, I felt like a fraud, for I started drinking and dating again. I would
tell the kids about Jesus’ love for them, and during the nights would drink. Through
all this, my one Christian friend would try to council me and keep me on the
right track.
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