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The Family in Islam (part 1 of 3): The Appeal of Islamic Family Life
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Description: People of various walks of life speak on their view of family life in Islam.
By Ben Adam (© 2006 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 31 Jul 2006 - Last modified on 04 Oct 2009
Viewed: 62418 (daily average: 52) - Rating: 4 out of 5 - Rated by: 24
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Category: Articles
> Systems in Islam
> Family
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_001.jpg) In Islam, considering the well-being of the “other”
instead of just the “self” is a virtue so rooted in the religion that it is
evident even to those outside it. The British humanitarian and civil rights
lawyer, Clive Stafford-Smith, a non-Muslim, stated: “What I like about Islam is
its focus on the group, which is opposite to the West’s focus on individuality.”
Individuals comprising any society are tied together by
related group bonds. The strongest of all societal bonds is that of the family.
And while it can be justifiably argued that the basic family unit is the
foundation of any given human society, this holds particularly true for Muslims.
As a matter of fact, the great status that Islam affords to the family system
is the very thing that so often attracts many new converts to Islam,
particularly women.
“With laws for almost every aspect of life, Islam
represents a faith-based order that women may see as crucial to creating
healthy families and communities, and correcting the damage done by the popular
secular humanism of the past thirty or so years, several experts said. In
addition, women from broken homes may be especially attracted to the religion
because of the value it places on family, said Marcia Hermansen, a professor of
Islamic studies at Loyola University in Chicago and an American who also
converted to Islam.”
Nowhere is this trend of a people who value traditional
family values as they embrace Islam more prevalent than in North America’s
Latino or Hispanic community. As one of Florida’s Muslims observed: “I have
seen an increasing rate in Hispanics converting to Islam. I think the Hispanic
culture itself is very rich in terms of family values, and that is something
that is very prominent in the religion of Islam.”
So, what are the particular values or traits of Islamic
family life that so many are finding so appealing?
At a Columbia University Islamic event, Hernan
Guadalupe, an Ecuadorian-American: “spoke of the cultural similarities and
family values inherent to Hispanics and Muslims. Typically, Hispanic
households are tight knit and devout, and children are reared in a strict
environment - traits that mirror Muslim households.”
And in another recent newspaper report, it was also
observed how: “Family values play an integral role in the formation of a
Muslim community. Because of those family values, there are a lot of other
norms that are consistent within the Hispanic community and Islam; for
instance, respect for elders, married life and rearing children, these are some
of the traditions Hispanics have in common with Islam.”
Some ordinary American converts also have had a say
about real life experience, and some of these are collected in a book by the
mother of such a convert; Daughters of Another Path by Carol L. Anway. One
woman, quoted in the book, spoke
about her change in attitude towards marriage and family life after converting
to Islam. “I became cleaner and quieter the further I went into the religion.
I became highly disciplined. I had not intended to marry before I was a
Muslim, yet I quickly became a wife and then a mother. Islam has provided a
framework that has allowed me to express belief, such as modesty, kindness and
love, that I already had. It has also led me to happiness through marriage and
the birth of two children. Before Islam I had had no desire to have my own
family since I hated (the thought of having) kids.”
Another woman speaks of her acceptance into the extended
family in the same book. “We were met at the airport by a lot of his family,
and it was a very touching moment, one I will never forget. Mama (her
mother-in-law) is like an angel… I have spent a lot of time in with tears,
because of what I see here. The family system is quite unique with closeness
that is beyond words.”
In Appendix C of the book, a 35 year old American
convert, at that time 14 years a Muslim, wrote about the family of her husband
and their values relative to her own American values. “I have met all the
members of my husband’s immediate family and some members of his immense
extended family… I have learned a great deal from my in-laws. They have a
wonderful way of relating to their children, a way that engenders respect for
others and great amounts of self esteem. It is interesting to see how a
child-orientated and religious orientated culture operates. My in-laws, by
virtue of being a contrast to American culture, have given me a great
appreciation for certain elements of my American cultural identity… I have seen
that Islam is truly correct in saying that moderation is the right path.”
From these quotations, one from a non-Muslim
intellectual, others from converts and reporters, and some from quite ordinary
American women who embraced Islam, we can see that family values in Islam are
one of its major attractions. These values stem from God and His guidance,
through the Quran and the example and teaching of His Messenger, Muhammad, may
the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, who indicates the family unit as
being one of the mainstays of religion and Islamic the way of life. The
importance of forming a family is underscored by a saying of the holy Prophet
himself, who said:
“When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his
religion, so let him fear God regarding the remaining half.”
(al-Baihaqi)
The two articles that follow will discuss the family in
Islam in the light of the Quran and Prophetic teachings. Through briefly
exploring Islam’s take on the themes of married life, respect for parents and
elders, and the rearing of children, we can begin to appreciate the benefits of
the family in Islam.
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The Family in Islam (part 2 of 3): Marriage
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Description: How Marriage is intertwined with faith, ethics and morality, with evidence from Islamic scripture.
By Ben Adam (© 2006 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 07 Aug 2006 - Last modified on 20 May 2008
Viewed: 37403 (daily average: 31) - Rating: 4.3 out of 5 - Rated by: 30
Printed: 1157 - Emailed: 78 - Commented on: 0
Category: Articles
> Systems in Islam
> Family
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Marriage
“And
among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you
may dwell with them in serenity and tranquility. And He has put love and
compassion between your hearts. Truly in that are signs for those who reflect.”
(Quran 30:21)
Marriage is the most ancient of human social
institutions. Marriage came into existence with the creation of the first man
and woman: Adam and Eve. All the Prophets since then were sent as examples for
their communities, and every Prophet, from the first to the last, upheld the
institution of marriage as the divinely-sanctioned expression of heterosexual
companionship. Even today,
it is still considered more right and proper that couples introduce each other
as: “my wife” or “my husband” rather than: “my lover” or “my partner”. For it
is through marriage that men and woman legally fulfill their carnal desires,
their instincts for love, neediness, companionship, intimacy, and so on.
“…They (your wives, O men)
are a garment for you and you (men) are a garment for them...” (Quran 2:187)
Over the course of time, some groups have come to hold
extreme beliefs about the opposite sex and sexuality. Women, in particular,
were considered evil by many religious men, and so contact with them had to be
kept to a minimum. Thus, monasticism, with its lifetime of abstention and
celibacy, was invented by those who wanted what they reckoned to be a pious
alternative to marriage and a life more godly.
“Then, We sent after them,
Our Messengers, and We sent Jesus son of Mary, and gave him the Gospel. And We
ordained in the hearts of those who followed him, compassion and mercy. But
the Monasticism which they invented for themselves; We did not prescribe for
them, but (they sought it) only to please Allah therewith, but that they did
not observe it with the right observance. So We gave those among them who
believed, their (due) reward, but many of them are rebellious sinners.” (Quran
57:27)
The only family that monks would know (Christian,
Buddhist, or otherwise) would be their fellow monks at the monastery or temple.
In the case of Christianity, not only men, but also women, could attain the
pious ranks by becoming nuns, or “brides of Christ”. This unnatural situation
has often led to a great number of social vices, such as child abuse,
homosexuality and illegitimate sexual relations actually occurring among the
cloistered – all of which are considered actual criminal sins. Those Muslim
heretics who have followed the non-Islamic practice of abstention and
hermitage, or who have at least claimed to have taken an even more pious path
to God than the Prophets themselves, have similarly succumbed to these same
vices and to an equally scandalous degree.
The Prophet Muhammad in his own lifetime made clear his
feelings at the suggestion that marriage could be an obstacle to drawing closer
to God. Once, a man vowed to the Prophet that he would have nothing to do with
women, that is, to never marry. The Prophet responded by sternly declaring:
“By Allah! I am the most God-fearing amongst you! Yet…
I marry! Whoever turns away from my sunnah (inspired way) is not from me (i.e.
not a true believer).”
“Say (to the people O Muhammad):
‘If you love Allah then follow me, Allah will (then) love you and forgive you
of your sins. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’” (Quran 3:31)
In reality, far from viewing marriage as bad for one’s
faith, Muslims hold marriage to be an integral part of their religious devotion.
As mentioned before, the Prophet Muhammad explicitly stated that marriage is
half of the Religion (of Islam). In other words, perhaps half of all
Islamic virtues, such as fidelity, chastity, charity, generosity, tolerance,
gentleness, striving, patience, love, empathy, compassion, caring, learning,
teaching, reliability, courage, mercy, forbearance, forgiveness, etc., find
their natural expression through married life. Hence, in Islam,
God-consciousness and good character are supposed to be the principle criteria
that a spouse looks for in his or her prospective marriage partner. The
Prophet Muhammad said:
“A woman is married for (one of) four reasons: her
wealth, her status, her beauty and her religious devotion. So marry the
religious woman, else you be a loser.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Undoubtedly, the social malaise and decay that is
prevalent in many parts of the non-Islamic world also finds expression in some
parts of the Muslim world as well. Nevertheless, promiscuity, fornication and
adultery are still roundly condemned throughout Islamic societies and have yet
to be decriminalized to the level of merely “fooling around”, “playing the
field” or other such trivial pursuits. Indeed, Muslims still recognize and acknowledge
the great destructiveness that pre-marital and extra-marital relationships have
on communities. In fact the Quran makes clear that the mere accusation of
impropriety carries very severe consequences in this life and the next.
“And those who accuse chaste women, and do not produce four
witnesses (to unequivocally prove their accusation), flog them with eighty
stripes, and reject their testimony forever; for they are truly wicked sinners.”
(Quran 24:4)
“Verily, those who slander chaste women, innocent,
unsuspecting, believing women: they are cursed in this world and the next. And
for them will be a great torment.” (Quran 24:23)
Ironically, while it is unmarried women who perhaps
suffer most from the consequences of promiscuous relationships, some of the
more radical voices of the feminist movement have called for the abolition of
the institution of marriage. Sheila Cronin of the movement, NOW, speaking from
the blinkered perspective of a fringe feminist whose society is reeling from
the failure of the traditional western marriage to grant women security,
protection from sexually transmitted diseases, and many other problems and
abuses, opined: “Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that
the women’s movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom
for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage.”
Marriage in Islam, however, or rather, marriage
according to Islam, is in and of itself a vehicle for securing freedom for
women. No greater example of the perfect Islamic marriage exists than that of
the Prophet Muhammad, who told his followers: “The best of you are those who
best treat their women. And I am the best of people to my women.”
The Prophet’s beloved wife, A’isha, attested to the freedom her husband’s
treatment afforded her when she said:
“He always joined in the housework and would at
times mend his clothes, repair his shoes and sweep the floor. He would milk,
tether and feed his animals and do household chores.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
“Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent
example to follow for whoever hopes in Allah and the Last Day and remembers
Allah much.” (Quran 33:21)
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The Family in Islam (part 3 of 3): Parenting
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Description: A short trip through the comprehensive guide on good parenting as taught by God and His Prophet, briefly explored here, with reasons why Muslims follow such guidance.
By Ben Adam (© 2006 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 14 Aug 2006 - Last modified on 04 Oct 2009
Viewed: 27170 (daily average: 23) - Rating: 4.3 out of 5 - Rated by: 23
Printed: 1021 - Emailed: 101 - Commented on: 0
Category: Articles
> Systems in Islam
> Family
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Parenting
_001.jpg) One of the reasons that the Islamic family works is
because of its clearly defined structure, where each member of the household
knows his or her role. The Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of
God be upon him, said:
“Each of you is a shepherd, and all of you are
responsible for your flocks.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
The father is the shepherd over his family, protecting
them, providing for them, and striving to be their role model and guide in his
capacity as head of the household. The mother is the shepherd over the house,
guarding it and engendering in it the wholesome, loving environment that is
necessary for a happy and healthy family life. She is also the one who is
primarily responsible for the children’s guidance and education. Were it not
for the fact that one of the parents assumed the leadership role, then
inevitably there would be perpetual disputation and fighting, leading to family
breakdown – just as there would be in any organization which lacked any single
hierarchical authority.
“God puts forth a similitude:
a (servant) man belonging to many partners, disputing with one another, and a
man belonging entirely to one master. Are those two equal in comparison? All
the praises and thanks be to God! But most of them know not.” (Quran 39:29)
It is only logical that the one who is naturally the
physically and emotionally stronger of the two parents is made head of the
household: the male.
“…And they (women) have rights
(over their husbands) similar (to the rights of their husbands) over them -
according to what is equitable. But men have a degree (of responsibility, etc.)
over them…” (Quran 2:228)
As for the children, the fruits of their parents love, Islam
lays down comprehensive morals enjoining parental responsibility and the
child’s reciprocal dutifulness to its parents.
“And treat your parents with kindness. If one or both of them
attain old age in your care, never say to them a word (suggesting) disgust, nor
reproach them, but address them with reverent speech. And humble yourself out
of mercy before them, and pray: ‘My Lord! Be merciful to them for having
cared for me in my childhood.’” (Quran 17:23-4)
Obviously, if the parents fail to inculcate the fear of
God within their children from an early age because they are themselves
heedless, then they cannot expect to see righteous gratitude returned to them. Hence,
God’s severe warning in His Book:
“O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your
families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones.” (Quran 66:6)
If the parents do indeed strive to raise
their children upon righteousness, then, as the Prophet said:
“When the
son of Adam dies, all his actions have ceased except [three, a continuing
charity, beneficial knowledge and] a righteous child who prays for their parent.”
(Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
Regardless of how the parents raise their children, and
irrespective of their own religion (or lack, thereof), the obedience and
reverence that a Muslim son or daughter is required to show them is second only
to the obedience due to the Creator Himself. Thus His reminder:
“And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): ‘Worship none but God and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred,
and to orphans and to the poor, and speak good to people, and perform the
prayer, and give the alms.’” (Quran 2:83)
In fact, it is quite common to hear of elderly
non-Muslims converting to Islam as a result of the increased care and
dutifulness their children gave them following their (i.e. the children’s)
becoming Muslims.
“Say (O Muhammad): ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has
prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful
to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty - We provide
sustenance for you and for them…’” (Quran 6:151)
While the child is obliged to show obedience to both
parents, Islam singles out the mother as being the one deserving the lion’s
share of loving gratitude and kindness. When the Prophet
Muhammad was asked, “O Messenger of God! Who from amongst mankind warrants the
best companionship from me?” he replied: “Your mother.” The man asked:
“Then who?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” The man asked: “Then who?”
The Prophet repeated: “Your mother.” Again, the man asked: ‘Then who?’
The Prophet finally said: “(Then) your father.”
“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents.
His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and
the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty (30) months, till when he
attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: ‘My Lord! Grant me the
power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favor which You have bestowed
upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as
please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance,
and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will).’” (Quran 46:15)
Conclusion
There exists in Islam a general principle
that states that what is good for one is good for another. Or, in the words of
the Prophet:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his
(believing) brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
As could be expected, this principle finds its greatest
expression in a Muslim family, the nucleus of the Islamic society. Nevertheless,
the dutifulness of the child to its parents is, in truth, extended to all the
elders of the community. The mercy and concern that the parents have for their
children is likewise extended to all the young ones. Actually, it is not as if
the Muslim has a choice in such matters. After all, the Prophet did say:
“He who does not show compassion to our young, nor
honor our elders, is not from us.” (Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmidhi)
Is it any wonder, then, that so many people, raised as
non-Muslims, find what they are looking for, what they have always believed to
have been good and true, in the religion of Islam? A religion where they are
immediately and warmly welcomed as members of one loving family.
“Righteousness is not that you turn your faces to the east and
the west. But righteous is the one who believes in God, the Last Day, the
Angels, the Scripture and the Prophets; who gives his wealth, in spite of love
for it, to kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the wayfarer, to those who ask, and to
set slaves free. And (righteous are) those who pray, pay alms, honor their
agreements, and are patient in (times of) poverty, ailment and during conflict.
Such are the people of truth. And they are the God-Fearing.” (Quran 2:177)
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