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I was brought up in a devout Catholic family and raised
with Catholic values and traditions. At fifteen, I entered the monastery.
While inside the monastery, I was happy because I could perform my duties as a
nun and the people around me including my family were also pleased with me.
Until such time when I began to ask myself every
night, “What am I doing here inside the monastery?“ I stayed in our small and
humble chapel and started to ask God if he is really listening to me,
because I had learned in our catechism that god is present in the blessed sacrament.
Many question were lingering my mid. Doubts
were cropping up particularly concerning the reality of Jesus
Christ. However, I did not have the courage to ask the priest nor my
co-nuns who were with me that time. I was so afraid that they might take it
against me.
So I let all doubts linger. I even allowed myself
to profess my first temporary vows. I kept renewing it every year for TEN
YEARS! Until such time I could not take it anymore; my perpetual vows of
chastity and poverty; professing the Jesus Christ as my God; and that he is Lord
and son of God.
I started to pray harder, asking God for guidance and to
show me the right path.
If I were to leave the monastery, it would bring great
pain to my mother! My father actually didn’t mind if I leave the church and
have my own family.
But I did not want to hurt my family, particularly
my mother, my two brothers who are both priests, and my four sisters who happen
to be all nuns!
Above all, I do not want to be a hypocrite and
pretend that I am happy practicing something which is against my underlying
principle.
So I did not submit my application letter of
perpetual profession. I talked to my superior general, informing her that I am
leaving the monastery.
Without informing my family, I left to find a work
to survive. After awhile I met a close friend of mine who is a priest and
offered me to work with him in his church in Marawi City, as a parish coordinator.
Incidentally, my family heard the news that I left
the church, and it was very hard for them to accept the fact. But they were
hoping that one day I might come bask to serve the church.
While working as parish coordinator, the priest
who hired me was not treating me so well.
He did not even pay me salary and he tried to sexually
abuse me. But, thank God, he was not successful with his evil intentions.
Again I started to pray asking God to be with me
and to make me happy, because I have never been at peace with my life. My
heart and mind were miserable.
A New Day
On June 17, 2001, early morning, I heard a
beautiful sound but I did not understand what it was. I thought it was coming
from the mosque nearby. As soon as I heard the sound, I felt like I was dipped
in refreshing water. I cannot explain the feeling.
That day I felt happiness entering my heart, even though
I did not understand what I heard. After hearing this amazing sound, I said to
myself these few words, “There is a new day, there is new beginning.”
I woke up that morning asking what the sound was
and they told me it was call for prayers of the Muslims. Strange! I came
to this city (Marawi) on the first week of May 2001, but I could hardly hear
the sound until one morning of June 2001.
That day I decided to find out about Islam and the
Muslims. I started to research through reading books until I finally left my
work. I went back to my family in Pampanga and
found out that my father had already passed away.
I was depressed for a while, but I did not stop researching
Islam. So I went back to Manila hoping to find someone to explain to me about
Islam. In my heart, I was ready to embrace Islam but I did not know how!
I did not give up, I search on internet. I went
to the extent of joining chatting rooms, hoping to find a Muslim who can
enlighten me about Islam.
On June 16, 2004, I met the brother in Manila. He
started to explain about Islam. On the day, I declared;
La ilaha illalah muhammadur rasulullah
wa ‘isa ibnu maryam abdullahi wa rasuli (There is no god
worthy of worship except Allah, Muhammad is the messenger and that Jesus son of
Mary, is a slave and messenger of Allah.)
That fateful day, I finally found a new home, the home
of Islam: a home where you can find love, happiness and joy. Now I can smile,
a smile that comes from my heart. On that day, I slept very well.
Every time I pray, I cry, not tears of sorrow, but
tears of joy. A joy which money cannot buy. It is indescribable.
Now I remember when I had a conversation with my
grandfather who is a Catholic priest ( my mother’s
uncle) He said; “If you want to change your religion, go back to Islam!” God is Great!
May Allah open the hearts of my family to the light of
Islam, and may he protect us from Satan. Amen.
O brother and sister Muslims!
Include me in your prayers!
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