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Kindness to Parents (part 1 of 3): Duty and Devotion
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Description: Quranic injunctions on parents.
By Aisha Stacey (© 2008 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 21 Jul 2008 - Last modified on 14 Dec 2008
Viewed: 7263 (daily average: 15) - Rating: 4.3 out of 5 - Rated by: 8
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Category: Articles
> Worship and Practice
> Islamic Morals and Practices
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_-_Duty_and_Devotion_001.jpg) If you type the words, “kindness to parents” in Google ,six
of the first ten results are Islamic articles stressing the importance of being
dutiful and kind to parents. Why is this so? Islam is a religion that
stresses the qualities of mercy, tolerance and respect. God has ordained the
good treatment of parents and warned us against treating them with disrespect.
There are several verses in the Quran where kindness to parents is even coupled
with the most important aspect of Islam, worshipping God alone. This indicates
that being kind to parents, honouring and respecting them, is extremely important
in the way of life that is Islam.
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And
that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old
age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but
address them in terms of honour.” (Quran 17:23)
No word of disrespect should be uttered toward a parent,
nor even a look of resentment or contempt. Honouring parents can be considered
a form of worship if the intention is to please Almighty God by respecting His
commands.
God continues this verse by reminding us that parents
are deserving of kindness because they raised their children with gentleness
and often made great sacrifices for their wellbeing. His use of the
word wing invokes the image of a mother bird tenderly shielding her young and
calls to mind the gentleness that parents have for their children.
“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility
through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring
me up when I was small.’” (Quran 17:24)
The love and mercy that emanates from the Most Merciful God
is manifest in the kind treatment existing between parents and their children.
God clearly prohibits the bad treatment of parents, and in another verse of the
Quran He enjoins on us the need to show gratitude to Him, our Creator, as
well as our parents. Again, God clearly links the rights owed to Him to
the rights owed to parents.
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his
parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and
hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your
parents, unto Me is the final destination.” (Quran 31:14)
Prophet Muhammad reinforced the duty to be kind to
parents. A companion of the Prophet once asked him which of the many good
deeds a man can do is the most loved by God. Prophet Muhammad answered him by
saying, “To offer the prayer in its proper time”. The companion then asked, “And
what is next?” to which Prophet Muhammad replied, “To be good and dutiful to
your parents…”.
The responsibility to be kind and good to parents comes right after the
greatest duty in Islam, the prayer.
More than Goodness
The Arabic word that is used in the Quran and the narrations
of Prophet Muhammad to denote this kindness to parents as bir, and more
often than not, it is translated as goodness. However, as is the case with
most Arabic words, a direct translation into English often fails to explain the
true depth of meaning. Bir does not only mean goodness; it contains
shades of meaning that indicate kindness, compassion, respect and even patience.
Islam, the way of life, encompasses all these qualities, and Muslims must
strive to model this behaviour in all dealings, particularly in the
relationship between parents and children.
Parents care for and nurture their children their entire
lives, but at one point this duty reverses, parents become old and feeble and
in need of this care and nurturing themselves. The child is obligated to care
for the parents by displaying all the qualities of bir and knowing that
the reward for this is with God. The Prophet Muhammad said, “If anyone
possesses these three characteristics God will give him an easy death and bring
him into His Paradise: gentleness towards the weak, affection towards parents,
and kindness to slaves.”
One Man’s Devotion
Abu Hurairah was a close companion of Prophet Muhammad;
he is credited with remembering and transmitting many of the Prophets’ sayings.
The life of Abu Hurairah also contains many demonstrations of his love and
devotion to his mother. When he first embraced Islam, no amount of pleading
could convince his mother to do the same. Weeping and afraid, Abu Hurairah
approached the Prophet and begged him to make supplication to God asking that
his mother be guided. Prophet Muhammad complied with this request and within a
very short period of time Abu Hurairah’s mother uttered the words, “There
is no God but God and Muhammad is his slave and Messenger”, thus
embracing Islam.
Throughout his life, Abu Hurairah remained kind and
courteous to his mother. Whenever he wanted to leave home, he would stand at
the door of her room and say, “Peace be on you mother, and the mercy and
blessings of God.” She would reply, “And on you be peace, my son, and the
mercy and blessings of God.” He would also say, “May God have mercy on you as
you cared for me when I was small,” to which she would reply, “May God have
mercy on you as you delivered me from error when I was old.”
Abu Hurairah always encouraged other people to be kind
and good to their parents. One day he saw two men walking together and
enquired of the younger one, “Who is this man to you?” to which the young man
replied, “He is my father”. Abu Hurairah advised him by saying, “Do not call
him by his name, do not walk in front of him, and do not seat yourself before he
does”.
This gentleness and affection between Abu Hurairah and
his mother teaches us that mutual respect and love is a duty. A Muslim is
obliged to show respect towards parents even if they are non-Muslim, and the
greatest love he can show towards them is to supplicate to God in hope that
they will be guided to Islam. At the time of the Prophet, many of those who embraced Islam found that
it conflicted with the beliefs and requests of their parents, but they were taught
to be kind and to obey their parents, except if the parents demanded they
disobey God.
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in
worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not,
but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns
to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I
shall tell you what you used to do.” (Quran 31:15)
Being dutiful to parents, obeying them and treating them
with kindness is embedded in the teachings of Islam, however obedience to God
is always the first and foremost duty in Islam.
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Kindness to Parents (part 2 of 3): The Value of Motherhood: Paradise is at Her Feet
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Description: The great respect Islam gives to mothers.
By Aisha Stacey (© 2008 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 28 Jul 2008 - Last modified on 28 Jul 2008
Viewed: 5119 (daily average: 11) - Rating: 4.2 out of 5 - Rated by: 5
Printed: 334 - Emailed: 12 - Commented on: 0
Category: Articles
> Worship and Practice
> Islamic Morals and Practices
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_-_The_Value_of_Motherhood_Paradise_is_at_Her_Feet_001.jpg) In several verses of the Quran, God makes clear that
duty, kindness and gratitude towards parents is an essential part of Islam. However,
women in Islam, particularly mothers, have been singled out for the upmost
respect and devotion. God Himself tells of the hardships involved in
motherhood.
“And we have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his
parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and
hardship...” (Quran 31:14)
In the time of Prophet Muhammad, a man asked permission
to go on a military expedition. The Prophet asked the man if he had a mother,
when he replied yes, Prophet Muhammad said, “Stay with her because Paradise lies beneath her feet”. (Ahmad, Al-Nasai) What wonderful imagery
these words invoke: Mothers and children gazing at each other with love and
gratitude. Tiny hands closed within larger hands. A touch to the face in
times of stress and illness, or the warmth of a loving mother’s voice. Images
of mothers nurturing and caring for their children, in health or sickness, in
good times, or trying times. Paradise lies at the feet of mothers; but what exactly
do these words mean? Simply, the gates of Paradise are open for those who
cherish and respect their mothers.
The role of the mother in the Islamic family is as equally
important if not more as the role of the father, who is the provider and
protector of his family. Not only does she go through both the joys and
difficulties of pregnancy and giving birth, she dedicates the whole of her life
to nurturing and caring for her children. It is her responsibility to raise
and to educate them to be righteous and pious human beings. She cooks, cleans,
nurtures and educates, she is also responsible for their spiritual, emotional
and physical health and well-being. In return, children owe their mothers
care, love, affection, respect and dutifulness. The task God assigned to
mothers is large and sometimes overwhelming. Accordingly, the reward for a
righteous mother is nothing less than Paradise and in this life, she is
esteemed and honoured.
Who is Most Worthy of Good Companionship?
In a hadeeth of Prophet Muhammad, a man came to the
Prophet asking, ‘Who among the people is the most worthy of my good
companionship? The Prophet said, your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The
Prophet said, then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The
Prophet said, then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet replied,
then your father. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
From only these two sayings of Prophet Muhammad, we are
able to understand the importance of mothers in Islam. However, in these days
of materialism it is easy to forget that God obligated us to honour our
parents, especially our mothers. Sometimes we find ourselves uttering words of
contempt or complaining about our parents. This sort of behaviour is not from
Islam.
God reminds us that Prophet John (known as the Baptist)
was dutiful towards his parents both loving them and obeying them. He said:
“O John! Hold fast the Scripture. And We gave him wisdom
while yet a child. And (made him) sympathetic to men as a mercy
(or a grant) from Us, and pure from sins and he was righteous. And
dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (to
God or to his parents).” (Quran 19:12-14)
Additionally, in the Quran, we are able to hear the
words of Jesus; he describes himself by coupling his obedience to God with his
duties towards his mother Mary.
“Verily! I am a slave of God. He has given me the Scripture
and made me a Prophet; and He has made me blessed wheresoever I be, and has
enjoined on me prayer, and alms, as long as I live, and dutiful to my mother,
and made me not arrogant, unblest.” (Quran 19:30-32)
As busy as our lives may be it is of great benefit to
look back at the lives of the Prophets, and our righteous predecessors, to see
how they treated their parents, particularly their mothers.
The Companions’ Behaviour
Abdullah ibn Omar, a leading scholar from among Prophet
Muhammad’s companions once saw a man carrying his mother on his back and going
around the Holy House in Mecca.
He did not complain or show any signs of annoyance; rather he kept repeating a
line of poetry comparing himself to a camel. He looked at Abdullah ibn Omar
and asked him whether by so doing he discharged his debt to his mother. Ibn
Omar said, “No. You have not even paid back one twinge of the pain she felt
when giving birth to you”.
Another companion from the early days of Islam, Dhibyan
ibn Ali ath-Thowree also used to travel with his mother to Mecca. The journey
was long and very hot; on the side of the road during their travels, he would
dig a little pool and fill it with cool water. He would then turn to his
mother and say, “Mother, sit in this water to cool yourself.”
Muslims who are obedient to God can never be unmindful
or unkind to their parents. Great reward is offered to those who treat their
parents, especially their mothers, with affection and gentleness, but a stern
warning is also given. The danger of disrespect is illustrated in the following
saying of Prophet Muhammad.
A man came to Prophet Muhammad and said, “A young man is
dying and people are asking him to say there is no god but God, but he is
unable to do so. “The Prophet then asked, "Did this man offer prayers?” The
answer was yes. The Prophet then went to see the man and tried to encourage
him to say there is no god but God. Still he was unable to pronounce the
words. Prophet Muhammad then called for the dying man’s mother. The mother he
had persistently disobeyed.
When she appeared, the Prophet asked, 'Respected lady,
is he your son?” She replied yes. He then asked, “O respected lady, if we
threaten to throw your son into a raging fire, would you recommend him to be
forgiven?” The lady replied that she would definitely ask him to be forgiven.
The Prophet then said to her, “Then declare, making God and me your witnesses,
that you are now pleased with him.” The old woman readily declared, "O
God, you and your Prophet are my witnesses that I am pleased with this beloved
son of mine.” Then Prophet then turned to the dying man and asked him to
recite, "There is no god but God, He is the One and has no partners and I
witness that Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.” (At Tabarani, Ahmad)
Because of his mother’s forgiveness, the dying man was
able to recite the words that, by the Grace and Mercy of God, may have allowed
him to enter Paradise. The good treatment of parents can be the key to Paradise, on the other hand, bad behaviour towards them may result in a punishment in
hellfire.
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Kindness to Parents (part 3 of 3): Even After Death
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Description: How one can show appreciation to their parents even after their death.
By Aisha Stacey (© 2008 IslamReligion.com)
Published on 04 Aug 2008 - Last modified on 12 Aug 2008
Viewed: 4739 (daily average: 10) - Rating: 4.3 out of 5 - Rated by: 7
Printed: 328 - Emailed: 13 - Commented on: 0
Category: Articles
> Worship and Practice
> Islamic Morals and Practices
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_-_Even_After_Death_001.jpg) Islam is a religion of justice and compassion. It teaches
morality and forbids bad conduct. Special status has been afforded to the elderly;
they are treated with respect and dignity. Muslims are urged to honour them
and this is especially true when it comes to the treatment of parents. Although
death may take us at any age, parents are often elderly and as such require
special care and attention. Even though the rigours of old age may cause
parents to be demanding , impatient or petulant, a Muslim is still obligated
to treat then with kindness and to look after them lovingly. God linked honouring
parents to the command to believe in Him Alone.
“Worship God and join none with Him (in worship); and do good
to parents…” (Quran 4:36)
One of Prophet Muhammad’s companions asked about
the deeds God loved most. The Prophet replied, the prayer offered on time and honouring
parents... (Saheeh Bukhari)
The sayings of Prophet Muhammad abound with words of
wisdom about the obligation to be dutiful and kind to parents. He was once
heard to say:
“May he perish, May he perish, may he perish”. Those
around him immediately asked whom he was referring. Prophet Muhammad replied,
“He whose parents (one or both) attain old age in his life and he does not
enter Paradise (because of his goodness towards them).” (Saheeh Muslim)
Respect for parents is a key to the gates of Paradise. By upholding the commands of God and giving parents the affection and love due
to them, we receive the reward of eternal bliss.
Beneficial Actions
There are many ways a Muslim can continue to honour and respect
his or her parents after their death. He may pray and make supplications for
God to show mercy towards them; he may pay any worldly debts they may have
accumulated or debts owed to God such as fasting or making the pilgrimage (Hajj);
and he may also give charity in their name. Keeping the ties of kinship and
friendship are also ways of continuing to show love and respect to parents
after their death, and Islam carefully explains what actions on the part of the
living may be beneficial. The Prophet said,
“When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end
except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind),
or a righteous child who will pray for him.” (At Tirmidhi)
A man from among the companions asked Prophet Muhammad,
“Is there anything left from the goodness I owe my
parents I should present to them after their death?” He replied, “Yes,
four things: Pray and ask forgiveness for them. Fulfil their pledges. Be
kind to their friends. And maintain the ties of kinship that come from only
their direction”. (Ahmad, Abu Dawood &ibn Majah)
Thus, it is understood that the kindness and gratitude
we are obliged to show our parents should be continued even after their death.
Prophet Muhammad also told us about a man raised to a very high station in Paradise. The man was surprised and asked how he achieved such a noble position. He was informed,
“Because your son prayed for your forgiveness”. (Ibn
Majah)
The Keys to Paradise
Life in the 21st century is hectic, and we
are often overwhelmed by worldly concerns; so much so, we tend forget that
morals and manners are a large part of this way of life that is Islam. Kindness
to parents is an obligation and we would do well to remember and to emulate the
behaviour of the first Muslims. They held their parents in high esteem, they
loved and cherished them by following the commandments of God and knew that
paradise really did lie at the feet of mothers. These were not just words to
our predecessors; they were the keys to paradise.
In the narrations of Prophet Muhammad, we are able to
observe the behaviour of Abdullah, the son of Omar ibn al Khattab. On the road
to Mecca, Abdullah met a Bedouin. He greeted him with peace, had him ride the mount
that he was riding and gave him the turban that he had been wearing on his head.
One of Abdullah companions commented, “May God guide you, they are just bedouin
and they are content with something simple.” Abdullah answered, “The father of
this man was a close friend of my father, and I heard the Messenger of God say,
“The best way of honouring one’s parents is
for the son to keep in touch with his father’s friends.”
Islam recognises the importance of the family unit, and
a good and loving relationship between parents and children is essential. After
God, our parents deserve our gratitude and obedience. A Muslim is obligated to
show goodness and mercy to his or her parents. There is only one exception to
this, if parents expect their children to associate anything with God or to do
something regarded impermissible in Islam, then the child must not obey,
however nothing removes the obligation to be kind and respectful.
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