|
 A book, Perfect
Madness by Judith Warner, published by Riverhead Books, tells us that
during her research, Warner discovered that:
·
“Seventy percent of American moms say they find
motherhood today ‘incredibly stressful.’”
·
“Thirty percent of mothers of young children reportedly
suffer from depression.”
In the lands where all that glitters is somehow
perceived to be gold and therefore desirable, women are discovering that
playing roles that were not ordained for them by God is not all it is cracked
up to be.
Women in the West, who have long been battling both
themselves and the natural order to be “superwomen,” are finding that banging
their heads on the glass ceiling is giving them more than a headache. They are
finding themselves on a merry-go-round that will not stop. Their makeup and
their hair must be perfect; their size must be unrealistically thin; their
children must be perfect, talented, and high achievers; their houses must be
spotless; and all this must be achieved in the stolen hours between working and
sleeping.
This is more than just struggling against the glass
ceiling in pursuit of career goals: It is banging your head against a wall on a
relentless and ongoing basis. As Judith Warner states, “I have seen so many
mothers banging their heads against a wall: treating their pain - the
chronic headache of their lives - with sleeping pills, antidepressants and
anxiety meds, and a more and more potent, more and more vicious
self-and-other-attacking form of anxious perfectionism.”
The chronic headache of their
lives …! Is that a life? This is mere survival in a life of stress and
loneliness. The superwoman goal is unachievable not because women are
incapable, but because they fail to see that fulfilling natural and predestined
roles is undoubtedly the real super achievement. Playing mother, wife, and
career woman all at the same time is not an enviable position, and, except in
cases of necessity, the woman’s role as caregiver and homemaker should take
precedence over career and outside activities.
Islam defines women as superwomen - but with a different
meaning. Islam recognizes that the role of wife and mother is of paramount
importance. Islam defines marriage as half of the religion. Islam clearly
states that Heaven lies at the feet of mothers. Islam goes much further than
just recognition; it clearly defines the roles that women play and states
rights and obligations with clarity and common sense.
The role of a mother in bringing up children is greater
than that of a father. She is responsible for their emotional, behavioral, and
intellectual development. She is responsible for instilling the love of Islam
in them, especially in their early formative years. When a woman understands
the teachings of Islam and her own role in life, she understands her complete
responsibility for the upbringing of her children, as is referred to in the Quran:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a
Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones.” (Quran 66:6)
More than 40 years ago, Muslim women who were secure in
their roles and their lives could see the damage being caused by a Western
lifestyle. In 1962 after observing her Western sisters, Salma Al-Haffar said
in the Damacus newspaper Al-Ayyam,:
“It is truly a shame that women lose
the most precious thing that nature has given them, that is, their femininity,
and then their happiness, because the constant cycle of exhausting work has
caused them to lose the small paradise which is the natural refuge of women and
men alike, a refuge that can only flourish under the care of a mother who stays
at home. The happiness of individuals and society as a whole is to be found at
home, in the lap of the family; the family is the source of inspiration,
goodness and creativity.”
Nowadays, a woman is often forced to make choices that
are not easy. Often, she feels that she must work to help financially support
the family. Often, she is the family’s sole breadwinner. However, before we
focus blame on the stresses and demands of society today and blame them for the
destruction of family values and the pain and anguish of failing supermoms,
let’s recall how we have unrealistically idealized
the lives women’s lives in the 21st century.
On the other hand, the lives of Muslim women must be
guided only by the precepts of the Quran and the Sunnah. We must not be
fooled by slogans such as “times have changed.”
The Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God
be upon him, was sent with a message for all mankind, in all times and in all
places. The guidelines sent down to us by our Creator, God Almighty, are
perfect and cover all situations. God made it clear that a woman’s first
responsibility is to her Creator, then to her husband, and then to her home. There
is nothing in Islam that prevents a woman from continuing her education, from
working or from pursuing outside activities. Nothing, that is, except the
well-being of her family.
The importance that Islam places upon marriage is clear.
“And among His signs is this that He has created for you mates
from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them; and He has
put love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”
(Quran 30:21)
The usual by-product of marriage is children, and these
children are the future of society. What greater role can there be than that
of mother? How can the women who fulfill this role be regarded as anything but
superwomen? Women who understand their religion are secure in the fact that God
Most High knows what is best for His slaves.
Women must be vigilant, for our society’s future rests
in their hands, and being burnt out supermoms achieves nothing but stress and
anxiety. Unfortunately, many non-Western women today are blindly rushing to
follow a well-worn road. It is a road of consumerism and excess, and it leads
nowhere. That nowhere has no substance; it is merely a feeling of emptiness and
loss. It is better not to follow such women into oblivion; let us learn from
their mistakes.
As is evident from the research found in Perfect
Madness, the Western lifestyle being clutched to so desperately is not a
cure for what ails us. The motherhood that needs to be sought is compatible
with God Most High. That is it, nothing more. If we achieve this, we are the
real superwomen; the true supermoms.
|
