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Maria Luisa “Maryam” Bernabe, Ex-Catholic , Philippines (part 2 of 2)
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Description: My baby steps towards Allah and conversion to Islam
By Maria Luisa “Maryam” Bernabe
Published on 20 Jun 2011 - Last modified on 11 Sep 2011
Viewed: 3857 (daily average: 6) - Rating: 4.9 out of 5 - Rated by: 9
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Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Women
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Allah has brought me here to Qatar for
this purpose, that I may end my quest and spend the remaining days of my life
worshipping Him through the ways of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him.
The ways of Allah are not our ways for He
knows best. Indeed, in the turn of events in my life here in Qatar, I look
back and see how magnificently He has woven the path that led me to Him.
In 2009, the company that brought me to
Qatar had encountered difficulties and started laying off people and giving
them options to look for other jobs. How I landed to the company where I am
working now is also one of the pleasant surprises Allah had in store for me.
How I transitioned from my previous company to the present one was so swift.
The institution where I am working is an Islamic institution governed by
Shari’a (Islamic law) and the department I belong to has given me the
opportunity to land in my dream job – corporate communications. Since I am
immersed in the preparation of newsletters and marketing tools, I had to be in
touch with the corporate values anchored in Shari’a’s guidance, that led me to
deeper reading on Islam. At that point, I found myself enjoying what I have
been doing and just would read anything I could get my hands on.
Early 2010, I met a Filipino Muslim. There
was never any discussion regarding our religion. He knew how prayerful I was
with my rosary and novena booklets. He said that in his family, they have
Muslims and Christians, too. He assured me that I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable
about it at all. I found in him the traits that I have been looking for. His
idea of a relationship is the same as mine. Hence, religion was never an issue
and we both respected our faiths.
One time, I went to Fanar (Qatar Islamic
cultural center) with my boss during the exhibit of calligraphic arts to
purchase some items for our company. I got a copy of THE IDEAL MUSLIMAH and
started reading it three months after I got the book when my fiance was not in
Qatar at that time. I felt the verses of the Qur'an talking to me
directly. As I read the qualities of the Ideal Muslimah (Muslim woman), I
realized that my way of life is in accordance with the teachings of Islam,
after all. Then, I got a copy of the Qur'an in Tagalog and would feel a
certain kind of overwhelming peace in my heart that would evoke tears. I
told myself, in time I have to pursue it. I sought guidance from the
Shari'a department and from my well-meaning colleagues on which reading
materials I should choose. I would search the web and read everything I
could. Until one day, I stopped. I ceased seeking knowledge because
I wouldn't want to pursue anything as long as I see my fiance who has just
arrived back from the Philippines. Though he did not raise the issue of
my religion, I told myself, I had to deliberate whether I am just being
influenced by his presence in my life or whether embracing Islam is coming from
my own choice...from the deepest recesses of my heart and my soul.
At that time when I stopped pursuing
further studies, I was undergoing crisis, too. Problems kept piling up
and I was confused on how to pray. Should I pray the Rosary and devotions
or should I do the salaah (prayers done by Muslims) which I did not have any
clue on how to perform? For months, I was in limbo, until one night I
woke up and I talked to God and said - "My God, I am confused. I no
longer know how I should pray. Read my heart. I submit myself to You!" After that, I felt a certain
peace.
The care of God began. My fiance
went home to the Philippines earlier than planned. God gave me the time I
needed for my discernment.
I didn't expect that the day when a great
tsunami hit Japan would be the day I would perform my Shahaadah (testimony
of faith pronounced to become a Muslim). I just felt my heart was very
quiet. I went to Fanar with the conviction of attending classes for Basic
Islam. This move had been prompted when I was finally able to answer the final
questions I had for myself. First, if my fiance and I wouldn’t end up
together, would I be able to uphold being a Muslim? When I die, how would my
family dispose of my mortal remains? And then, I saw in my mind my female
Muslim colleagues and I felt a certain community spirit. I then told myself, I
may lose one person, but I would gain more. Second, why are Muslim men allowed
to marry up to four wives? Don’t they know how painful it is for a woman to
have another woman preferred over her? This question remained unanswered for
several months until that day when I was preparing myself to go to Fanar. In
fact, this question would always hold me back from fully accepting the readings
I had done about Islam and I was hoping to get it answered once I was given the
opportunity to undergo classes in Fanar. Finally, that morning when I was
preparing myself for Fanar, I ran another round of questions in my mind - would
the feeling of jealousy or envy be the one to pull me back from Allah? Would
something so worldly refrain me from knowing Allah? I did not answer myself.
Instead, I hurried up preparing myself to leave. That action alone was the
answer.
Upon reaching Fanar, I had the opportunity
to have one-on-one talks with two of their mentors - Sister Zarah and Sister
Maryam. My heart's yearning began to unfold. Sister Maryam said that I
seem to be ready. When she asked me if I would like to do the shahaadah,
I only replied by saying - WOULD THERE BE ANYBODY WHO COULD ADMINISTER IT FOR
ME? Again, that feeling of certainty - it's not about YES or NO, it's
about the availability of someone who could administer it for me.
After I said the Shahadah, tears started
welling up. When Sister Maryam embraced me and told me I am already a
Muslim, I thanked her with tears. My immediate family welcomed me as a
Muslimah and I thank Allah for that. Though they remain to be devout
Catholics, their acceptance, support and love carry me on. As for my fiancé,
he was surprised upon receiving the text message from me minutes after I converted.
He did not expect to receive such news from me.
My reversion towards Islam was highlighted
by the great tsunami. I symbolically look at it as Allah having totally washed
me and cleansed me of my sins. What would have happened
to me had I not surrendered to Him? Where would I be?
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