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Zainab, Ex-Christian, USA (part 1 of 2)
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Description: A young girl involves herself greatly with Christianity but still feels something missing.
By Zainab
- Published on 16 Jan 2006 - Last modified on 01 Oct 2006
Viewed: 5177 - Rating: 4.4 from 5 - Rated by: 9
Printed: 218 - Emailed: 10 - Commented on: 0
Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Women
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This is a very long, detailed description of the
topics I am most questioned about; my spiritual life, my conversion, my
familial response to my conversion, and my future plans in Islam.
“No, a guy did not convert me”
My Spiritual Life:
I have been enamored with God since I was young.
Like many children, I would stare into the clouds or stars and wonder who, what,
where, why, and how was God. Trying to verify His presence, I would set up
quasi-experiments to find proof. For instance, setting a glass on a table, and
ask God to move it, to prove His existence. With no result, I would vary the
object, time, and tried not watching (maybe God did not want me to see Him move
it?). Another time, I tested different methods of prayer to see which ones “worked.”
Among many other things, I tried praying on my face, on my knees, standing up,
lying down, closing my eyes, having good posture, straightening my fingers,
begging Him, offering a sacrifice, i.e., “God if you help me get a bicycle, I
will never eat ice cream again.” After a while, I realized that if God did
what I asked Him to do to prove Himself to me, or if there was a prayer method
that guaranteed my desired result, then I would have been God, not He.
I was raised as a Christian, and as I grew up, I
would go to different church denominations and ask the ministers how they knew,
for sure, that God existed. Now, I would think, that this would be the
question they are asked most often, but as it turns out, they are almost never
asked this question, and even more surprisingly, for the most part, they do not
appear to like being asked this question. Eventually, I met a pastor who was
not afraid of this question, who, in fact, loved it, and who enjoyed and
appreciated the genuine honesty of a searching soul. He was an intellectual - Rice University - Suma Cum Laude, but, more importantly, he was a highly spiritual
individual. He answered every question I ever had, introduced me to many
spiritual theories and principles, and helped me transform my prayer life from
the childish behavior of asking God for everything, as if my prayers were a
holiday presents wish list, into the more mature meditative prayer and follower
that listens for God’s guidance and follows His direction. My life was blessed
by having known both he and his wife.
I began teaching Sunday School to children when
I was age sixteen. I love teaching children about God more than any other
activity in the world, and believe that through God, this is my best talent. I
have many funny stories about my experiences in teaching, however, if I go into
it now, this already too lengthy page will be even longer.
A year later, I was asked to begin Christian
Leadership Training. It was a very valuable experience, because besides
learning additional worthwhile spiritual principles, I learned what pastors are
taught in terms of the strengths and weaknesses of the argument for
Christianity. This gives me a uniquely strong basis for arguing Islam over
Christianity.
The next year, I was asked to serve on a Healing
Ministries Team to aid those going through physical, spiritual, or emotional
difficulty. I felt very fortunate to serve in this capacity because I was
surrounded by the best people, in the best church that I had ever attended. I
was much younger and inexperienced than the rest of the group and completely
out of my league. Yet I stayed with it, because they possessed a knowledge
that I desired. I always wanted to know “what to say,” and “what not to say,”
to those in dire circumstances. I decide that unless the rest of the team
figured out that I was in over my head, I was not going to tell them. Once
again, I felt my life had been undeservedly blessed by getting to hang out and
learn from those I most admired. Sometimes though, since I was not even close
to their advanced level, I would look around the room and start thinking of the
song from “Sesame Street,”
“One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things just doesn’t belong.”
I also have many funny and interesting stories
from working on this Healing Team, but again, it would make this much longer.
At some point, I began to consider my fellow
team members - the people I thought the most spiritually elite and wise. Although
they were superior to me in every way, I thought to myself that they were not
where I would like to be when I reach their age. I perceived a distance from
God in Christianity. I discussed this with my pastor, stating that I wanted to
develop my relationship with God. He suggested I might try praying more often
during the day, mentioning that Muslims pray five times daily which is suppose
to aid in this matter. Of course he was not trying to peek my interest in
Islam. Yet he did.
I had other difficulties with Christianity. The
concept that heaven can only be obtained through having Jesus as your Savior
with good and bad deeds having no relevance in the scheme of things, was an
idea that always defied common sense to me. Theoretically, in Christianity, a
person who sins all day, every day of his life, will go to heaven if he accepts
Jesus as his Savior, one second before he dies. The man that does all good,
every day of his life, who does not accept Jesus as his Savior in his lifetime,
is sentenced to eternal hell. How much sense does that make? There are many
additional problems with Christianity, but I will not go into them at this point.
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Zainab, Ex-Christian, USA (part 2 of 2)
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Description: Zainab finds more in common with Muslims friends than Christians, and finally decides to read about Islam.
By Zainab
- Published on 16 Jan 2006 - Last modified on 31 Jul 2006
Viewed: 4288 - Rating: 4.6 from 5 - Rated by: 20
Printed: 215 - Emailed: 17 - Commented on: 6
Category: Articles
> Stories of New Muslims
> Women
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I was also involved in Christian Student
Ministries. I always preferred having Christian to non-Christian friends
because we thought more alike. And, although I had many nice Christian
girlfriends, I also felt a lack of closeness with them because of a difference
in opinion as to what constituted Godly living, as far as, dating, alcohol,
clubbing, etc. I was constantly asked if there was something wrong with me and
made fun of when I turned down invitations to clubs, drinking, etc. It made me
feel terrible inside.
One day, I met several Muslim sisters, and I
felt an instant kinship, unlike any I had previously held. Like myself, they
did not date, swear, drink, and the long list of other common vices. It was
such a great feeling to meet others, with whom I held so much agreement about
so many matters. I was surprised to learn that there was any other person on
the planet so similar to myself. I had no idea such a creature existed.
Since this was the second time Muslims had been
brought to my attention, I decided that I should at least investigate Islam, so
I called a Mosque and went to it for direction. I was given a copy of the
Quran, and so I started to read. Slowly my focus began to shift from
Christianity to Islam. At first I stopped teaching the “Christ as Savior” part
in my Sunday School lessons, and opted for morality lessons each week. However,
soon I was not able to look the children in the eyes when I taught because I
felt I was a hypocrite to them and their parents, who were expecting me to be a
Christian role model.
Next, during my prayer, I felt that God was
guiding me to stop teaching Sunday School, and go to different churches on
Sundays and study church growth. For instance, when two churches are located
on the same street, why does one have 50 members, and one have 5000 members? At
the time it made no sense to me to do this, but I felt strongly urged by God to
do this, and I had learned that if you are sure God is guiding you in a certain
direction, and you are positive it is God and not your own instinct or desire,
than you had better do it if you want to have the best life. I have ignored
His guidance in the past and failed too many times. (More funny stories there
for another time.)
I did not discuss Islam with anybody, because I
felt I was betraying all my Christian family and friends, and I did not even
discuss it with my Muslim girlfriends because I did not want my decision to
have any pressure applied. Slowly, without my actually realizing it, I began
to shift my beliefs from Christianity and towards Islam. It was not a quick or
easy transformation, because my whole foundation of life was Christian based,
yet, it, nonetheless, transformed.
One day, a Muslim friend at school had asked me
what I enjoyed doing when I was not at school. I told her that my very
favorite activity was teaching Sunday School. She asked me where I taught, and
I told her I was not teaching anywhere. She asked, if that was my favorite
thing to do, why I was not doing it? It was at this point that I realized that
had changed, without my even realizing it had been taking place. I knew I
would never go back to teaching Sunday School, because I was no longer
Christian, but instead, maybe, possibly, Muslim. My beliefs were now solidly
Islamic. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to admit to, I guess I
was somehow hoping that I would eventually turn back to Christianity so that my
life would be easier, but it had not. So I slowly replied to her, that I did
not believe in Christianity any more, stunned and sad at this realization. It
was very hard to utter those words. She asked why, so I explained that I had
been reading the Quran and believed in its contents, as opposed to those
contained in the Bible. She asked, “So, are you Muslim?” I said, “I do not
actually know what defines someone as a Muslim.” She asked me a number of
questions about my beliefs, and then told me that I was a Muslim, and that I
only needed to convert. I asked how a person converts, so she said you just
need to repeat these words after me, and so I did. So, I experienced the death
of my Christianity, and the birth of my Islam in a few minutes time. Needless
to say, this moment is etched into my brain permanently, InshaAllah
[God-willing].
I was so excited, but I had to be positive, that
what I thought had happened actually did happen. I did not want to make a
wishy-washy decision about this conversion, i.e., be Muslim one day, and
Christian the next, Muslim the day after, and back to Christianity, so I made
appointments with four Imams to find out exactly what it meant to be Muslim,
concluding with the same realization that I was Muslim.
In the following month, I was overwhelmed with
the sense that I was home. I felt that what I had been looking for all my life
had been found, and for the first time I was home where I belonged. Often, I
feel as though I was always a Muslim, but God decided that I best served His
interest by being born into a Christian environment, as it places me in a
position to serve Him from a much different angle than the born and raised
Muslim. There are many things I have to learn from my Muslim brothers and
sisters, yet there are many areas where Muslims can learn from those raised as
Christian. InshaAllah, I hope I never forget the day that I converted, because
once I did, the world suddenly looked different as if everything was suddenly
in color. I know that sounds so silly, but that is the only way I know to
describe the change I experienced. Things looked different, smelled different,
sounded different, etc. I really cannot put it into words.
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